Company Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately. This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company. SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW. SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management. This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new more...

A new company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid he company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business! The CEO, walks up the guy and asks -? and how much money do you make a week?? Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies,? I make $200.00 a week. Why?? The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams -? here?s a week?s pay, now GET OUT and don?t come back!? Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks -? does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?? With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters -? That was the Pizza delivery guy?.

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

We painted our floor with luminous paint. So now the florescent what it used to be.
My sister opened a computer store on a beach in Hawaii. She sells C shells by the seashore.
A friend of mine told some jokes about religion and got put on the Sects Offenders List.
A guy turns up at a costume party carrying a woman on his back. "What are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
"I'm a snail." he said, "Can't you see, I'm carrying Michelle on my back."
Gardeners' playing cards - weed em and reap.
A six-foot termite walks into a bar. He raps on the bar and asks:
"Excuse me...is the bar tender here?"
Perforation is a rip-off!
A poor soul worked at a company making blankets. He lost his job when the company folded.
And of course, there was the pillow and mattress manufacturing company that had a problem with staff...
Some of them just felt down all the time, and the rest were sleeping on the job.
And don't more...

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean sitting side by side. The lawyer said, ‘’I'm here ’cause my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.'’ ‘’That’s quite a coincidence,'’ said the engineer, ‘’I'm here ’cause my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.'’ The lawyer pondered the engineer’s plight for a moment and, looking somewhat confused, asked, ‘’How do you start a flood?'’

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.
On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone:
"Get me an fucking cup of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded,
"You fool, you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"
"No," replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, idiot!"
The trainee shouted back,
"And do you know who YOU are fucking talking to, you idiot?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director indignantly.
"Thanks for that!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.

We painted our floor with luminous paint. So now the florescent what it used to be.My sister opened a computer store on a beach in Hawaii. She sells C shells by the seashore.A friend of mine told some jokes about religion and got put on the Sects Offenders List.A guy turns up at a costume party carrying a woman on his back. "What are you supposed to be?" asked the host."I'm a snail." he said, "Can't you see, I'm carrying Michelle on my back."Gardeners' playing cards - weed em and reap.A six-foot termite walks into a bar. He raps on the bar and asks:"Excuse me...is the bar tender here?"Perforation is a rip-off! A poor soul worked at a company making blankets. He lost his job when the company folded.And of course, there was the pillow and mattress manufacturing company that had a problem with staff...Some of them just felt down all the time, and the rest were sleeping on the job.And don't forget about the telecoms engineer who was committed to an more...