Company Jokes / Recent Jokes

Acme Rope, Inc. -
Knot your ordinary company.
Acme Mine Shafts -
Drop in any time
Acme Lollipops -
One lick and you'll stick with us.
Acme Light Company -
We have lots of bright ideas.
Acme Clown Make-up -
Let us put a smile on your face.
Acme Perfume Corp. -
We love it when business stinks.
Acme Air Conditioning -
We show people how to chill out.
Acme Toy Company -
Our work is kids' play.
Acme Perfume Company -
Our work is all dollars and scents.
Acme Almond Company -
We're nuts!
Acme Sheep Farm -
Our mind is on ewe.
Acme Calculators -
We help you solve your problems.
Acme Flower Bulbs -
We root for you.
Acme Psychologists -
Visit us and you won't go away mad!
Acme Poultry Management -
Let us count your chickens before they hatch.

From: Mickey Hennigan, Human Resources Director
To: Everyone
Date: December 1
Re: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
From: Mickey Hennigan, Human Resources Director
To: Everyone
Date: December 2
Re: Christmas Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. Happy now?
From: Mickey Hennigan, Human Resources Director
To: more...

The old maid bought herself a parrot to brighten her lonely hours. The parrot's name was Bobby, and he was a charming bird, with but one small fault. Whenever the mild-mannered lady had company in, Bobby would cut loose with a number of obscene expressions he'd picked up from his previous owner, a retired madam.
The lady discussed this problem with her pastor, and after witnessing a particularly purple display, the good man suggested, "This parrot needs company. Get him interested in another of his species, and he'll soon forget his sinful past.
"I, myself, have a parrot. Her name is Sarah and she is an unusually devout bird. She prays constantly. Let me bring her with me the next time I call. We'll keep them together a few days-I'm certain her religious background will have a marked influence on this fellow's character."
Thus, the next time the pastor called, he brought his parrot, and the two birds were placed in a single cage. They spent the first more...

Job Interview Quotations Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle. Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time. Candidate fell and broke arm during interview. Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fies in the interviewers office. Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer. Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico. Balding Candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece. Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm. Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on more...

A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.
His friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago? ”
The businessman replies, “That’s the accountant we’re looking for. ”

Job Interview Quotations:
Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.
A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
An interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
A candidate fell and broke arm during interview.
A candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewers office.
A candidate explained that one of her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer.
A candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.
A balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece.
An applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
An more...

We painted our floor with luminous paint. So now the florescent what it used to be.
My sister opened a computer store on a beach in Hawaii. She sells C shells by the seashore.
A friend of mine told some jokes about religion and got put on the Sects Offenders List.
A guy turns up at a costume party carrying a woman on his back. "What are you supposed to be?" asked the host. "I'm a snail." he said, "Can't you see, I'm carrying Michelle on my back."
Gardeners' playing cards - weed em and reap.
A six-foot termite walks into a bar. He raps on the bar and asks: "Excuse me...is the bar tender here?"
Perforation is a rip-off!
A poor soul worked at a company making blankets. He lost his job when the company folded.
And of course, there was the pillow and mattress manufacturing company that had a problem with staff... Some of them just felt down all the time, and the rest were sleeping on the job.
And don't forget about more...