Competition Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear [____rejectee's name here_____], I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Ms. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s)
you were disqualified from the competition:
[Check all those that apply] ___ Your stomach is bigger than mine.
___ Your name is objectionable subjecting my future children to it could scar and yes, scare them for life.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy shoes by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me one.
___ more...

Dear ________, I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition. Check those that apply.. ___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion. ___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter! ___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about more...

Dear ________, I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.Check those that apply...___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter! ___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by thetruckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for more...

Dear __________________________, I regret to inform you thatyou have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probablyaware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates suchas yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name onfile should an opening come available. So that you may find better success in yourfuture romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you weredisqualified from the competition: (Check those that apply) __ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it. __ Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion. __ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing. __ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be more...

Julius Caesar:
My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I'd like to get away from all that.
Jesse James:
I can list among my experience and skills:
leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of security measures at numerous banks.
Marie Antoinette:
My management style has been criticized,
but I'd like to think of myself as a people person.
Joseph Guillotin:
I can give your company a head start on the competition.
Hamlet:
My position was eliminated in a hostile takeover.
Lucrezia Borgia:
My greatest accomplishment? After I took over the department, our competition just seemed to drop out of sight one by one.
Pandora:
I can bring a lot to your company. I like discovering new things.
Genghis Khan:
My primary talent is downsizing.
On my last job I downsized my staff, my organization, and the populations of several more...

Dear __________________________,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition: (Check those that apply)

Men often find blowing off a woman the most difficult part of the dating process. The closest they ever come to telling a woman it's over is to look her straight in the eye and say, "I'll call you next week." But there is now a great way to blow a woman off. It's safe, it's affordable and the best thing is the female has no opportunity to throw things at you. It's at your fingertips right now: E-mail.
That's how all the happening, 90's kind of guys are telling women they are not worthy. You'll feel like a real man knowing you have told her how you really feel from the safety of your keyboard. And you can delete her response without ever reading it. What could be more painless? Following is an email rejection letter:
Men can use it the next time they need to put their main squeeze on notice. The text of the letter follows:
Dear (her name), I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention to become the future Mrs. (your last name). As more...