Complained Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Collection of Lawyer Jokes
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the more...
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.
At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."
"Huh," the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next more...
After a long career in teaching, you have finally reached that magical year when you are about to retire. As the year flies along, you begin to notice changes in and around you that signal to everyone that you must be a retiree-to-be and retirement weeks away!
You know you’re a retiree-to-be when…
Fellow staff members greet you in the hall with, “Oh! Stop smiling! ”
You get up to the checkout counter at Borders, and you realize you’re buying books you won’t need next year.
Your file cabinets are getting lighter, and your circular file is getting heavier.
You find yourself saying, “Yes! ” whenever an administrator or union officer asks you to be on a committee next year.
The custodian has complained to the principal that the trash he removes daily from your room is 10 to 20 times greater than any other room in the building- including the cafeteria.
You get in line at the copy machine, and realize you don’t have anything to more...
A little girl complained that she didn`t want to go back to school.
"But why, Lisa?" asked her mother.
"Well, I can`t read, I can`t write, and they won`t let me talk."
One day a wife complained, "This wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch."The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock always was slow."
It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot in life. There was an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen. The elephant complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a total fool!" The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick up food, drink, and water without getting wet!"
Next the giraffe complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS LONG NECK! It makes me top heavy, I get terrible neck pains, and people point and laugh at me!" The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches, and allows you to see a fair distance."
Then the hen spoke up. "Lord, I don't want to complain, but either let me have a bigger ass or smaller eggs."