Complete Jokes / Recent Jokes
A while back there was an opening in the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are extremely difficult to fill, requiring an extensive background check, training, and testing before candidates are even considered for the position. After reviewing several applicants and completing all the checks and training, the field was narrowed to the three most promising candidates.
The day came for the final test, which would determine which of equally qualified candidates would get the job. The final candidates consisted of two men and one woman. The men administering the test took the first candidate, a man, down a corridor to a closed door and handed him a gun saying, "We must be completely assured that you will complete your assignments and follow instructions regardless of the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife, seated in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man, looking completely shocked said, "You can't be serious! I more...
Q. Do I have to be married to have safe fax?
A. Although married people fax often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.
Q. How do I go about faxing a complete stranger?
A. Just ask them if they want to fax. If they do, they will give you their phone number.
Q. My parents say they never had fax when they were young, and were only allowed to write memo's to each other until they were 21. How old do you think someone should be before they can fax?
A. Faxing can be performed at any age once you learn the correct procedure.
Q. If I fax something to myself will I go blind?
A. Certainly not. As far as we can see.
Q. There is a place on our street where you can go and pay to fax. Is this legal?
A. Yes, many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and must pay a "professional" when their needs become too great.
Q. Should a cover always be used for faxing?
A. Unless you are really sure of the one you more...
A police officer (who shall remain nameless) pulled over a red Porsche after it
had run a stop sign. "May I see your driver's license and registration please?"
"What's the problem, officer?"
"Your just ran the stop sign back there at the last intersection."
"Oh, come on pal, there wasn't a car within miles of me".
"Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both ways,
and proceed with caution."
"You gotta be kidding me!"
"It's no joke, sir".
"Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles,
and proceeded with caution."
"That's beside the point, sir. You are supposed to come to a complete stop, and
you didn't. Now if I may see your license and..."
"You've got a lot of time on your hands, PAL! What's the matter, all the
doughnut shops closed?"
"Sir, I'll overlook that more...
Well it all began... hmmm nooo not that way.. well there were these patients of the mental hospital or which is called the pissankotuwa, they were planning to escape but there was a small problem which prevented or made it harder for them to complete the task which was the DAMN WALLLL around the premises it was damn huge... so these guys planned to build a ladder to climb over the WALLL it took about one and a half months to complete and finally they got it done and they were planning to climb over the wall in the evening but there waz a huge storm with floods and shit and caused the wall to colapse totaly flattened. For my surprise these guys were totally worried you no why coz the wall was no longer and they just thought to them selves THAT THEY WOULD CLIMB OVER IT SOMEOTHER TIME COZ THE WALL WAS NO LONGER THERE!!!!!
16 Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
( _ ) Champak
( _ ) Indrajal
( _ ) Star and Style
( _ ) The great Punjab Dairy
( _ ) Blank sheets
17 How often do you bathe:
( _ ) Weekly
( _ ) Monthly
( _ ) Yearly
( _ ) Not Applicable
18 Color of teeth:
( _ ) Yellow
( _ ) Brownish-Yellow
( _ ) Brown
( _ ) Black
( _ ) N/A
19 Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
( _ ) Manikchand
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JALANDHAR BOARD COLLEGE EXAM QUESTION PAPER...........
(this one's little difficult than last year's)
1. Write your name in less than 20 minutes and 20 letters ________________________
(only alphabets allowed, no numeric digits or "_" allowed)
2. Sex?
( ) Male
( ) Female
( ) Sardar
3. What's ur age group?
( ) less than 0
( ) equal to 0
( ) greater than 0
4. What is 2 + more...
The new tax system is full of acronyms which makes it more difficult for the average taxpayer to grasp. The following is a simple succinct appreciation of the new system.
The new system is NUTS the New Universal Taxation System and although it may appear to be complicated, it is easy to understand.
Basically, it is STUFFT the Simplified Tax Unit For Financial Transactions.
Major elements of NUTS include a number for each business entity an Australian Business Utilisation Number (ABUN) which will be used during dealings with governments at all levels.
Every business in Australia will get ABUN with NUTS. The new system will simplify the way businesses report to the Australian Taxation Collection Head Office Organisation (ATCHOO) Businesses will be required to complete a Business Activity Statement Table And Report Directive (BASTARD) every month.
Businesses should set aside at least three days every working week to fill the BASTARD more...
Q: How do you confuse a complete idiot?
A: 32 (confused aren't you? )