Computing Jokes / Recent Jokes
Computer Stories from a Field Service Engineer
When I worked for a company that had a contract with 3M, 3M had asked me
to write them a memo describing why we were having problems with diskette
failures. I said in the memo that the disks were failing due to head
crashes. "If the customers would just clean their heads periodically, we
wouldn't have these problems," I said in the memo. One customer responded
with "What kind of shampoo do you recommend?"
An end-user hotline received a call about a bad software disk. They asked
the customer to make a copy of the disk and mail it in to the hotline.
A few days later, they received a letter with a mimeographed copy of
the disk. Since it was a double-sided disk, both sides of the disk
had been xeroxed.
A Computer Operator says as she is lifting an RP06 disk pack from the drive:
"Gee, how much does one of these weigh?"
Me: "It depends on how much data is more...
Microsoft acquires Electrolux, makes numerous design revisions.
Finally releases a product that doesn't suck.
If we believe in data structures, we must believe in independent (hence simultaneous) processing. For why else would we collect items within a structure? Why do we tolerate languages that give us the one without the other?
What happened to the computer when it fell on the floor? It slipped a disk.
"Hello, this is the help desk."
"Yes, this is Mrs. Stuart on the fourth floor. I'm calling to report a violation of company policy."
"What seems to be the problem, Mrs. Stuart?"
"I have found some of the computers in the office here are being used to look at orgies."
"We have filtering software on the network that prevents sites like that from being displayed."
"Well, I just sat down at one of the computers and clicked on the bookmarks."
"And there's a list of pornographic sites?"
"I'll say. Quite a few, actually."
"They should be blocked by the filter. Did you click on them?"
"I didn't have to. They say dot O-R-G and I've been around long enough to know what that means!"
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
"I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate more...