Concert Jokes / Recent Jokes
10. Say Christina Aguilera can whup her ass any day
9. Lay her for free (Sorry, that's something that'll automatically get you IN to a Britney Spears concert)
8. Try to pass yourself off as the opening act
7. Make fun of Justin Timberlake
6. Give her a wedgie
5. Pass around pictures of her when she was in the Mickey Mouse Club
4. Have legitimate proof that she got breast implants
3. Bust her lip-synching
2. Point out that her initials are BS
1. Wait a minute...why the hell would anyone want to go to a Britney Spears concert in the first place?
A lovely young couple is doing some shopping in town. Having purchased everything they need, they return to the parking lot to drive home. Where's the car? Good golly, someone has stolen it! They notify the police from a phone booth inside the mall and make a report at the Police station. A young detective drives them back to see if any evidence remains from the scene of the crime. But, what do you know, there is the stolen car, back in the exact spot! A note is on the windshield with two tickets to a concert attached. The note thanks the young couple for the use of their car, but the culprit's wife was about to give birth and had to be rushed to the hospital. The young couple's faith in humanity is restored and they go to the concert and have a wonderful time. They arrive home late that night to find their entire house robbed, with a note on the door reading, "Well, I gotta put the kid through college, don't I?"
Little Johnny at Concert
The Grade 1 concert is fast approaching and Johhny has still not decidied what he will do. Little Mary is going to do a piano solo, Timmy will recite a poem, but Johnny can't come up with anything. Finally, his frustrated teacher is releived when he tells her he has worked out his act.
Come the night of the concert, all the proud parents fill the hall and watch as Mary, in her perettiest dress, tinkles the ivories to rapturous applause...
Then Timmy steps out in his best suit and recites his poems to the delight of the audience.
Finally, out comes Johhny, in check shirt, and denim overalls. He steps up to the microphone and says...
"Ladies and Gentlemen. My uncle owns a farm and every holiday I visit him there. Tonight, I would like to share with you my impression of some of the many sounds I hear on my unlce's farm. Here is the first....'JOHHNY! GET OFF THAT FUCKING TRACTOR!'"
Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."
One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States."
Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident; I reattached them, and eight months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."
One of the others said, "That's nothing: a young man lost both arms and legs in an accident; I reattached them, and two years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States."
The Grade 1 concert is fast approaching and Johhny has still not decidied what he will do. Little Mary is going to do a piano solo, Timmy will recite a poem, but Johnny can't come up with anything. Finally, his frustrated teacher is releived when he tells her he has worked out his act. Come the night of the concert, all the proud parents fill the hall and watch as Mary, in her perettiest dress, tinkles the ivories to rapturous applause... Then Timmy steps out in his best suit and recites his poems to the delight of the audience. Finally, out comes Johhny, in check shirt, and denim overalls. He steps up to the microphone and says..."Ladies and Gentlemen. My uncle owns a farm and every holiday I visit him there. Tonight, I would like to share with you my impression of some of the many sounds I hear on my unlce's farm. Here is the first....'JOHHNY! GET OFF THAT FUCKING TRACTOR!'"
: 1. Is this the NKOTB reunion concert?
2. Does anyone know what state Lance is from?
3. Joey's Hoe #56
4. All the fellas in the house, lemme hear ya say Boom Shaka Laka Boom!
5. This Song Sucks! (and hold it up at the beginning of every song, or even better, hold it up when they're talking)
6. This girl has B.O. (with an arrow pointing to the person next to you)
7. I hate baby blue!
8. I actually like Joey actually
9. I'll Lay Down Beside You AJ!
10. Steve Fatone is HOT! (just a quick way to get yourself on the big screen)
11. What up, J-Dawg? Just wanted to make you feel welcome, yo.
12. Justin & Britney 4-Ever
13. Why don't you guys ever sing "The Hardest Thing?"
14. Hey JC! Where's Bobbi?
15. I made this poster just in case you guys forgot what you looked like (and tape a bunch of teeny posters on it)
16. more...