Condition Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.
"Oh my God," said the Queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?"
The Doctor leading the tour explains; "I am sorry your highness, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with
semen. If he doesn't do that 5 times a day, they'll explode, and he would die instantly."
"Oh, I am sorry," said the Queen.
On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient oral sex.
"Oh my God," said the Queen, "what's happening in there?"
The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked directly toward him.

Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition.'

Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.

The young woman replied,' You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'

The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket & slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand.

He looked deeply into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said...
' Paint my house.'

The Queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating."Oh my God," said the Queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?"The Doctor leading the tour explains; "I am sorry your highness, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill withsemen. If he doesn't do that 5 times a day, they'll explode, and he would die instantly.""Oh, I am sorry," said the Queen.On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient oral sex."Oh my God," said the Queen, "what's happening in there?"The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."

A minister was asked to inform a man with a heart condition that he had just inherited a million dollars. Everyone was afraid the shock would give him a heart attack. So the minister went to the man's house and said, "Joe, what would you do if you inherited a million dollars?" And Joe said, "Well, pastor, I think I would give half of it to the church." At which the pastor fell over dead.

Upon serving the passengers their in-flight snacks, one attendant
attempted with utmost professional delicacy to communicate with the least risk of embarrassment to the passenger that his pants were unzipped. "Sir, your garage door is open", she whispered.
Several times during the flight she attempted to inform him of his condition but her delicacy was lost on this dumb schmuck until of course he revisited the bathroom and realized that he'd been exposed throughout the entire flight.
Realizing now what she had been trying to tell him, he became livid with humiliation. If she had just said his pants were unzipped in' plain english' he'd have been spared the embarrassment of having been in flight almost 8 hours in that condition.
"Garage door" eh! Well, two can play that game he said to himself. I'll show her.
Returning to his seat he waited for that quiet moment when he could be sure that most everyone around him could hear the exchange and more...

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, “What’s the matter? ”
The fellow replies, “well I’ve got these two horses (sniff, sniff), and well… I can’t tell them apart. I don’t know if I’m mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods. ”
The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of something he can do. “Why don’t you try shaving the tail of one of the horses? ”
The man stops crying and says, “that sounds like a good idea, I think I’ll try it?
A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. “What’s the matter now? ” the bartender asks.
The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, “I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can’t tell them apart again! ”
The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, “Why don’t you try shaving the mane, maybe more...

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him.
The young man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward them. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, for $100, on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.
The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, took some money from his purse, and gladly pressed it into the young man's hand.
She looked deeply into his eyes and slowly and meaningfully said, "Clean my house."