Confessional Jokes / Recent Jokes

As soon as she had finished parochial school, a bright young girl named Lena
shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York where
before long, she became a successful performer in show business.
Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday night
went to confession in the church which she had always attended as a child. In
the confessional Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her
work. She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he wanted to know
what that meant. She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she
did on stage.
She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she
went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and backflips.
Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged
ladies. They witnessed Lena's acrobatics with wide eyes, and one said to the
other: "Will you more...

It was Christmas and everyone seemed to he having a great time, but Father O'Rourke was not. He suddenly said to Father Kelly' You know what. I'm fed up with all this good behaviour and clean living. Why don't go out and have good old sinful night out. We could drink, go with loose women and do whatever takes our fancy.' Are you mad?' replied Father Kelly' This is a small town. Everyone knows who we are.'' I don't mean we should do it here.' said his colleague.' We could dress like everyone else and take the train to the city'
After much persuasion Father Kelly agreed to do so and off they went that night and partied until morning. They arrived home very much the worse for wear and it was then that the enormity of what they had done began to dawn on Father Kelly.' Oh my God. We're going to have to confess our misdemeanor.'' Don't worry.' replied Father O'Rourke' I've already thought about this. You get changed and go into the confessional and I'll tell you all about my misdeeds more...

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned."

"What is your sin, my son?" the priest asks back.

"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible."

"When did you use this awful language?" asks the priest.

"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."

"Is that when you swore?"

"No, Father," says the man. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away."

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Father again.

"Well, no." says the man. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came more...

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes, a woman comes in and says,' Father, forgive me for I have sinned.' The priest asks,' What did you do?' The woman says,' I committed adultery.' The priest says,' How many times?' And the woman replies,' Three.' Priest:' Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no more.' A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says,' Father forgive me for I have sinned.'' What did you do?' I committed adultery.' r' How many times?'' Three times.' The priest says,' Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more.' The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's more...

Santa Joined The Priest And Then Followed Him Into The Confessional. A Few Minutes Later A Woman Came In And Said "Father, Forgive Me For I Have Sinned"


Priest: "What Did You Do?"

Woman: " I Committed Adultery"

Priest: "How Many Times?"

Woman: "Three Times"

Priest: "Say Two Hail Marys, Put $ 5. 00 In The Charity Box, And Sin No More"

A Few Minutes Later A Man Entered The Confessional. He Said

"Father, Forgive Me For I Have Sinned"

Priest: "What Did You Do?"

Man: "I Committed Adultery"

Priest: "How Many Times?"

Man: "Three Times"

Priest: "Say Two Hail Marys, Put $ 5. 00 In The Charity Box, And Sin No More"

Santa, A Quick Learner, Told The Priest That He Understood The Job And The Priest Could Leave.

Santa more...

A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss's wife. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people more...

A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional can never be broken, however I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here 25 years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer! Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss's wife. I was appalled! But as the days went on, I learned that my people more...