Confessional Jokes / Recent Jokes

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unmanned, he called a rabbi friend up and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional.
In a few minutes a woman comes in and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
The priest asks "What did you do?".
The woman says "I Committed adultery."
Priest: "How many times?"
Woman: "Three times."
Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."
A few minutes later another woman enters the confessional. She says "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
Priest: "What did you do?"
Woman: "I committed adultery."
Priest: "How many times?"
Woman: "Three more...

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unmanned, he called a rabbi friend up and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional.In a few minutes a woman comes in and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned."The priest asks "What did you do?". The woman says "I Committed adultery."Priest: "How many times?"Woman: "Three times." Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."A few minutes later another woman enters the confessional. She says "Father forgive me for I have sinned."Priest: "What did you do?"Woman: "I committed adultery."Priest: "How many times?"Woman: "Three times."Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and more...

At one local church, Joe was in charge of taking up the offerings. One Sunday after the services, the priest counted the cash and found it was smaller than anticipated. So he questioned Joe. He told him that it did not seem enough for the size of the congregation.

Joe said that he did not take any of the offering.

The priest again questioned him and again he said that he did not take any of the offering. So the priest said "get in the confessional" which Joe did.

Then the priest asked him did you take any of the offering and this time he said "I can't hear you".

Again the priest asked "Joe did you take any of the offering?"

Again Joe answered "I can't hear you".

This time the priest yelled "JOE DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING"

Again Joe answered "I can't hear you".

By this time the priest was getting a little angry so he came out of the more...

A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow, he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew. He finally made his way to a side aisle and into a confessional. A priest had been observing the man's sorry progress. Figuring the fellow was in need of some assistance, he proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. His attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence. Finally he asked, "May I help you, my son?" "I dunno." came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?"

There were four nuns, who had been together in the same convent all of their
adult years, all having become nuns immediately after leaving high school. Now
in their mid forties, these nuns began to discuss how much of real life they
had missed, and how limited had been their experiences in the "real" world.
Finally they conceived a plan, to correct this lack of experience, before their
looks were entirely gone. They pooled such savings as they had, borrowed money
from relatives, and all four went on a long weekend junket flight to that ever
popular, world capital of sin, Las Vegas.
As soon as they hit Vegas, the four nuns ditched their habits, and did the
rounds of all the beauty shops, the boutiques, and the shopping malls. All
dolled up, made up, and ready to go, they spent the entire weekend "out on the
town" in Vegas, having a marvelous time, and catching the red-eye back home
Sunday night.
Monday morning they more...

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldnt know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and hed stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes, a woman comes in and says, Father, forgive me for I have sinned. The priest asks, What did you do? The woman says, I committed adultery. The priest says, How many times? And the woman replies, Three. Priest: Say two Hail Marys, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no more. A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, Father forgive me for I have sinned. What did you do? I committed adultery. r How many times? Three times. The priest says, Say two Hail Marys, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more. The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks hes got it, so the priest more...

There were four nuns, who had been together in the same convent all of their
adult years, all having become nuns immediately after leaving high school. Now
in their mid forties, these nuns began to discuss how much of real life they
had missed, and how limited had been their experiences in the "real" world.
Finally they conceived a plan, to correct this lack of experience, before their
looks were entirely gone. They pooled such savings as they had, borrowed money
from relatives, and all four went on a long weekend junket flight to that ever
popular, world capital of sin, Las Vegas.
As soon as they hit Vegas, the four nuns ditched their habits, and did the
rounds of all the beauty shops, the boutiques, and the shopping malls. All
dolled up, made up, and ready to go, they spent the entire weekend "out on the
town" in Vegas, having a marvelous time, and catching the red-eye back home
Sunday night.
Monday morning they more...