Congress Jokes / Recent Jokes

Senate Democrats are pressing their campaign to have White House political guru Karl Rove field questions before a congressional committee on the dismissal of eight federal prosecutors.

Rove, however, won’t agree to testify unless these guidelines are met:

1) He won’t testify under oath.
2) Democrats can’t ask Rove about the dismissal of the prosecutors.
3) If Charles Schumer asks any questions, he must do it in a high pitched Scottish brogue.
4) Rove won’t answer any questions until after the Vancouver Olympics.
5) There should be a water hose easily available, since Rove’s testimony will probably cause his pants go on fire.
6) Rove will only answer questions only after the last US troops leave Iraq
7) The Democrats agree to spot the Republican extra 250 electoral votes in the next election.
8) If Rove is convicted, then Scooter Libby serves his jail sentence.
9) Fox News gets exclusive rights to moderate and televise the more...

It was a very slow night for DC prostitutes.

1. Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

2. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

3. The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost a child while living in the White House.

4. Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

5. Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

6. Both were assassinated by Southerners.

7. Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

8. Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

9. John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in more...

Failed in business......................... 1831

Lost election for legislature.............. 1832

Failed again in business................... 1834

Sweetheard died............................ 1835

Nervous breakdown.......................... 1836

Lost second political race................. 1838

Defeated for Congress...................... 1843

Defeated for Congress...................... 1846

Defeated for Congress...................... 1848

Defeated for US Senate..................... 1855

Defeated for Vice President................ 1856

Defeated for US Senate..................... 1858

Elected President.......................... 1860

Abraham Lincoln

Most baseball fans are against Congress and the government getting involved in the league's steroid problems. But we're all okay having the Feds bail out the National League West.

Writing Prof. Miller In-class Assignment for Wednesday Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached. Begin: ----------------------------------------------------------- At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was more...

This election, priests will be running for Congress in hopes of getting a laptop and a Page.