Constable Jokes / Recent Jokes
An Irishman stumbles out of a bar and is spied by a Constable.
The Constable approches...
C: Can I help ya lad?
I: Yea, SSSSomebody ssstol my car!
C: Well, wheer was ya car last time ya saw it?
I: It twas at the end of tiss key! (he held up a key already in his hand) At this time the constable notices the Irishman has his manhood out.
C: Hey, Ar ya aware ya expoosing yaself?
I: Ohh God, They got me girl too!
TWO pandits riding on a scooter were stopped by a Punjab police constable. "Don't you know riding on the pillion is forbidden in the Punjab?" asked the constable, "I am going to challan you."
The pandits pleaded their innocence of rules but he refused to let them go. Very exasperated the pandit who was driving the scooter replied, "All right, Ishwar is with us. Do what you like."
"In that case, I'll challan you for having two on the pillion behind you."
It was our first batch tour. The whole batch were out site-seeing in beautiful Koadai Kanal. The scenery was so picteresque, almost everyone lost touch with reality. Everyone but the class representative Anoop S. Kollam and the tour co-ordinator Arun A. George. They counted the student heading into the buses. Realizing Shanavas was missing, they headed straight to the Police Station. Like true leaders, they went straight to the constable and stated "Sir, we have one person, out of the 200 who came on this tour, missing. We would like to start a search immediately to find this person.". The constable sat at his desk smiling. He said "Young men, everything is under control. I will find the missing person in five minutes!". Everyone was impressed by the reassuring tone of the constable. He went on to say "About ten minutes ago, one person came here reporting that the 199 persons who came with him on a tour was missing. He's waiting outside!"
A CONSTABLE nabbed four boys and charged them for gambling in a public place. He asked the first, "What were you up to?"
"Nothing Sir," replied the boy. "I just happened to be passing this way."
"And you?" he asked the second boy.
"Sir, I was waiting for the bus."
The policeman turned to the third boy. "Sir, I don't even know how to play cards, how could I gamble on them?"
The constable let the boys go but caught the fourth boy who had the pack of cards with him. "Then it must be you who was gambling."
"No, Sir, there was no one I could gamble with," he replied.
The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorneyand a farmer with a bodily injury claim. It came from a Houston, Texas insurance agent. Attorney: "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life?" Farmer: "That's right." Attorney: "Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?" Farmer: "When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, mydog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of wordsto say I've never felt better in my life.