Construction Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bush Seeks Ban on Cartoon, Cereal, Vitamins

The ongoing campaign against alleged gay icons in animated cartoons continued today as president Bush demanded that television stations stop broadcasting "The Flintstones" at once.

Harland Devane, presidents Bush’s leader of the group Focus on the Flintstones, said at a press conference in Washington, D.C. today that his organization was issuing the demand because, "Quite simply, everything about' The Flintstones' is way too gay."

The conservative activist distributed a memo itemizing over fifty ways in which the self-styled "modern Stone Age family" series promotes homosexuality, but left little doubt that most of his concerns centered on the relationship between the two main characters, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble.

"Their relationship is more flagrantly homosexual than anything in Oliver Stone's' Alexander,'" Mr. Devane said.

He pointed more...

One day, a reporter for a suburban newspaper happened upon a construction site with a sign that ominously warned: "DANGER. RADIOACTIVE MATERIALS."
Driven by the prospect of a hard-hitting expose, he made a quick call to his editor, then returned to the scene to investigate. The construction supervisor looked unhappy to see him; "I'll tell you the truth," he said, "but I'm going to ask you not to publish what I say."
"This is just like the movies," he thought.
The supervisor continued, "There's nothing radioactive on this site. That sign has been the only way to keep our lumber from being stolen."

Only for the truly demented...

You Will Need:
Felt markers or crayons, sticky-tape, construction paper, blunt scissors,
a parent's permission.

1) Place your hand flat on a sheet of construction paper.

2) Cut your hand off with the blunt scissors. The faster you go, the less
it will hurt!

3) Cauterize your stump on an electric burner. Ask your parents for help.

4) Decorate the hand to look like a turkey with the markers, paper and
sticky-tape. Gobble-gobble!

5) Hang your turkey on the front door with nails or a staple gun.

Happy Thanksgiving!

A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Murphy. The boss thought I`m not hiring that lazy Irishman, so he decided to set a test for Murphy, hoping he wouldn`t be able to answer the questions, and he`d be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." So Murphy says, "Dat`s easy," and proceeds to draw three tree`s. The boss says, "What the hell`s that?" Murphy says, "Tree `n tree n` tree makes nine." Fair enough, says the boss.Second question, same rules, but represent 99. Murphy stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir," he says. The boss scratches his head and says, " How on earth do you get that to represent 99. Murphy says, " Each tree`s dirty now! so it`s dirty tree, n` dirty tree n` dirty tree, dats 99."The boss is getting worried he`s going to have to hire more...

Once there were three construction workers. When it was lunchtime one day, they all sat down together.
The first one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, turkey! I hate turkey!" So he shot himself with a rivet gun.
The second one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, ham! I hate ham!" So he jumped off the building.
The third one opened his box and said, "Eeew, mac and cheese! I hate mac and cheese!" So he ran himself over with a bulldozer.
At the funeral, their three wives were talking about their lost husbands. The first two were very sad, but the third was rather puzzled.
The first wife said, "I thought he liked turkey!"
The second one said, "I thought he liked ham!"
But the third one was still puzzled. She said, "I thought he packed his own lunch."

The president of ABC decided that it was time to build a new factory. He asked representatives from three development companies to come in and make a bid on the project. The three companies showed up at the scheduled meeting. The president of ABC asked the first company, Bruin Construction, who's president earned his MBA from UCLA, " How much will your company charge for this project?" "2 million," said Bruin. "1 million for materials and 1 million for labor."
Then president then asks the same question to the second company, Cardinal Construction, whose president earned his MBA from Stanford. Cardinal answered, "3 million, 1.5 million for materials, 1.3 million for labor, and 0.2 million for licenses and permits."
Finally, the president asks the last company, Trojan Construction, whose president earned his MBA from USC. Trojan answered, " 4 million."
"FOUR MILLION," yelled the president of ABC. "How do you more...

The president of ABC decided that it was time to build a new factory. He asked representatives from three development companies to come in and make a bid on the project. The three companies showed up at the scheduled meeting. The president of ABC asked the first company, Bruin Construction, who's president earned his MBA from UCLA, " How much will your company charge for this project?" "2 million," said Bruin. "1 million for materials and 1 million for labor."Then president then asks the same question to the second company, Cardinal Construction, whose president earned his MBA from Stanford. Cardinal answered, "3 million, 1.5 million for materials, 1.3 million for labor, and 0.2 million for licenses and permits."Finally, the president asks the last company, Trojan Construction, whose president earned his MBA from USC. Trojan answered, " 4 million.""FOUR MILLION," yelled the president of ABC. "How do you breakdown the more...