Construction Jokes / Recent Jokes

a construction worker was trying to call one of his co-workers but due to the loud noise around he decided to throw a bolt at him. he finally got the attention of his co-worker. he then signaled to come up and help him. awkardly the co-worker starts masturbating. furious the construction worker throws a wrench. finally the co-worker goes up and says,"why you throw the wrench at me I was trying to tell you I was coming!"

You know you live in California when...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
5. You drive to your neighborhood block party.
6. Someone asks you how far away something is; you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
You know you live in New York when...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty.
3. You can get into a 4-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
4. You think Central Park is "nature."
5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
6. You've worn out a car horn.
7. more...

A construction worker went to the doctor, complaining of terrible stomach pains.
"Doc," he said, "I'm really constipated. Can you help me?"
The doctor examined him for a moment and then told him to lean over the table. As instructed, the construction worker leaned over the table, the doctor smacked him on the butt with his clipboard, CRACK!... and then sent him to the bathroom.
A few minutes later he returned and said, "Gee, doc, I feel great. What should I do to prevent this problem in the future?"
"Stop wiping with cement bags!" the doctor replied.

there was a guy that stutters and he was not good at maths he went 2 the bank looking for a job and the boss said are u good at maths and he said no so the boss said i cant give you the job so he went home and the next day came so he was looking for a job again so he 2 the construction site and they had a job for him so he went 2 the top of the building and there was a guy waiting for him so they started talking 2 each other and the construction guy said do you want earn some money and the new guy said yes how so the constuction guy said watch so he did and the man got a brick and threw it off the buildingand yelled out falling brick and the man came up and said thanks 4 saving me and gave him $50 he did it agin and got given $100 and again and got $200 and then said you have a turn so he got a brick and dropped it and said fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff fuck i hit him

Shortly after the construction of the twin-towered Time Warner Center in Manhattan (home to twenty million dollar condos featuring, its owners claimed, the "most commanding view of any residences overlooking Central Park"), Donald Trump had banners hung from his own World Tower, a neighboring building to the north. Trump`s message? "Your views aren`t so great, are they? We have the real Central Park views and address! Best Wishes, The Donald."

An Irishman living in Devon goes for a job on a construction site.
The foreman says, "Can you brew tea?"
The Irishman says, "Yes."
"Good. Can you drive a fork lift?"
The Irishman looks at him and says, "Why, just how big is the teapot?"