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A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The 1st blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the 2nd blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The 2nd blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up more...

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later. At the seance, she called out, "John, John, this is Martha. Do you hear me?" A ghostly voice answered her, "Yes Martha, this is John. I can hear you." Martha tearfully asked, "Oh John, what is it like where you are?" "It's beautiful. There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time." "What do you do all day?" asked Martha. "Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there's nothing but making love until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five. After dinner, we go at it again more...

Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what life in Heaven is like. Poor Max has a heart attack and dies.He manages to make contact with Abe the next day.Abe says, "I can't believe this worked! So what is it like in Heaven?"Max replies, "Well, it's great, but I've got good news, and I've got bad news. The good news is that there's a fantastic orchestra up here, and in fact, we're playing "Sheherezade," your favorite piece, tomorrow night!"Abe says, "So what's the bad news?"Max replies, "Well, you're booked to play the solo!"

Standardized Guide to the Bases Do you remember middle school/junior high/high school? If so, do you remember talking about' the bases' with your friends?" Yeah man, at the dance, X and Y went behind the gym and they got tosecond base!"Well that was cool and all, but what the hell was secondbase? Tongue kissing? Up the shirt? Noone was really sure. Also, thebases tended to get progressively more intense as you got older. What's aperson to do? Here, we mourn the passing of using baseball ananlogies to describesexual activity. But let's face it, there are more than four stages intodays day and age of sex play. So, in the interests of both bringingbaseball sex metaphors in line with the complications of modern romanceand with standardizing the bases, we present the Standardized Guide to theBases. First, let's examine what the bases could have meant in the old days. --First Base- This was almost always kissing, although one guyI knew thought it meant holding hands. Sometimes it more...

Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what life in Heaven is like.
Poor Max has a heart attack and dies. He manages to make contact with Abe the next day.
Abe: I can't believe this worked! So what is it like in Heaven?
Max: Well, it's great, but I've got good news, and I've got bad news... The good news is that there's a fantastic orchestra up here, and in fact, we're playing "Scheherezade," your favorite piece, tomorrow night!
Abe: So what's the bad news?
Max: Well, you're booked to play the solo!

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck.

True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later. At the seance, she called out,' John, John, this is Martha. Do you hear me?' A ghostly voice answered her,' Yes Martha, this is John. I can hear you.' Martha tearfully asked,' Oh John, what is it like where you are?'' It's beautiful. There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time.'' What do you do all day?' asked Martha.

'Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there's nothing but making love until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five. After dinner, we go at it again until we fall asleep about 11 more...

INDIAN ROAD RULES
1. Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is "both".
Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In
that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by
occupying the next available gap, as in chess.

2. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed.
Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality.

3. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended
direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself. Except for
a belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better
position.

4. Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to
cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.
Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is
moving slowly or had come to a dead stop more...