Contraction Jokes

Humour: What's A Kiss?
Everything you wanted to know about a kiss; -
Definition of A Kiss:

Professors of different subjects define the same word different
ways.
Prof. of Algebra: Kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry: Kiss is the shortest distance between two
straight lines.
Prof. of Physics: Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the
expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry: Kiss is the reaction of the interaction
between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology: Kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary
bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology: Kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis
oris muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry: Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy: Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when
returned.
Prof. of Economics: Kiss is that thing for which the demand is
higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics: Kiss is an more...

WHEN Shabana Azmi greeted Nelson Mandela with a kiss, the following eulogy was written in praise of the act by Principal B. S. Bhatnagar of the Indian school at Al Ghubra, Sultanate of Oman:
A kiss is that which you cannot give without taking, and cannot take without giving.
It is a contraction of the mouth due to an enlargement of the heart. It is a course of procedure cunningly devised for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.
It is lip service to love and the anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in a state of contraction. A kiss is a peculiar proposition.
Of no use to one, yet absolute bliss to two. The small boy gets it for nothing, the young man has to steal it, and the old man has to buy it. It is the baby's right, the lover's privilege, and the hypocrite's mask.
To a young girl, faith? A married woman - hope? To an old maid - charity. A kiss can be a comma, a quotation mark or an exclamation point. It more...

Prof. of Algebra: kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry: kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.
Prof. of Physics: kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry: kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology: kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology: kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry: kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy: kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Economics: kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics: kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.
Prof. of Philosophy: kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English: kiss is a noun that is more...

Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways:
Prof. of Computer Science:
A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.
Prof. of Algebra:
A kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry:
A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.
Prof. of Physics:
A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry:
A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology:
A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology:
A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry:
A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy:
A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Economics:
A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics:
A kiss is an event whose more...

Before heading south for a vacation, it may be a good idea to learn the language of our southern brothers and sisters. And we're here to help... Hah Tu Spek Suthun: BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck." JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida. Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck." MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I taint herd from him in munts." ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck." FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far." BAHS - noun. A supervisor. Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"TAR - noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: more...