Conversation Jokes / Recent Jokes

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men saying the following;"Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Denna I come once-a more." "You fowl-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"Hey, coola down lady," said the man, "Imma justa tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

Thing to keep you occupied at the office while you avoid work!
ONE-POINT DARES
1. Run one lap around the office at top speed
2. Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other' non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).
3. Ignore the first five people who say' good morning' to you.
4. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
5. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your head.
6. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"
7. Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
8. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
9. While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
THREE-POINTS DARES
1. Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with more...

The huge Air Canada Jumbo jet is just coming into Pearson Airport (Toronto) on its final approach. The pilot comes on over the intercom. "This is Capt. Johnson, we're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and enjoy your stay in Toronto".
Well the Capt. forgets to switch off the intercom. The whole plane can now hear the conversation from the cockpit.
The co-pilot says to the pilot "Well skipper, wotcha gonna do in Toronto?"
Now all ears in the plane are listening in to this conversation.
"Well", says the skipper, "First I'm gonna check into the hotel and go for a mega-huge dump. Then I'm gonna take that new stewardess out for supper, you know, the one with the huge tits.
I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and slip the old salami to her all night".
Well, everyone in the plane's trying to get a look at the new stewardess. She's so embarrassed she runs from more...

A BUS STOPS AND 2 ITALIAN MEN GET ON. THEY SEAT THEMSELVES AND ENGAGE IN AN ANIMATED CONVERSATION. THE LADY SITTING BEHIND THEM IGNORES THEIR CONVERSATION AT FIRST, BUT SHE LISTENS IN HORROR AS ONE OF THE MEN SAYS THE FOLLOWING:
"EMMA COME FIRST. DEN I COME. TWO ASSES, DEY COME TOGETHER. I COME AGAIN. TWO ASSES, DEY COME TOGETHER AGAIN. I COME AGAIN AND PEE TWICE. DEN I COME ONCE-A MORE!"
"YOU FOUL-MOUTHED SWINE!" RETORTED THE LADY INDIGNANTLY..."IN THIS COUNTRY WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT OUR SEX LIVES IN PUBLIC!!!"
"HEY, COOLA DOWN LADY" SAID THE MAN. "IMMA JUST TELLUN MY FRIEND HOW TO SPELL MISSISSIPPI!"

Here's a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows:

ONE POINT

Run one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier.

Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew.

Ignore the first five people who say' good morning' to you.

Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINTS

Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you more...

* In the memo field of all your checks, write, “for sensual massage. ” * Specify that your drive-through order is “to go. ” * If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking with others. * Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. * Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions, “to keep them tuned up. ” * Reply to everything someone says with, “that’s what YOU think. ” * Practice making fax and modem noises. * Make beeping noises when you back up. * Finish all your sentences with the words, “in accordance with prophecy. ” * Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. * Holler random numbers while someone is counting. * Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way. ” * Staple papers in the middle of the page. * Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking” noise. * Honk and wave to more...

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.

Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November 10, 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES` ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT`S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a more...