Convert Jokes

There was a Christian woman who was seeking to convert to Judaism to please her Jewish husband. She was following a rabbi's instructions in a long process.
The rabbi asked her to go into a mikveh and dunk her head to finish the conversion. The woman responded with: "I just went to the beauty parlor and head my hair done. The permit cost me $35.00. Is there any way I can go in without dunking my head?".
The rabbi paused for a minute and replied:
"Yes, you can go in without dunking your head. However, you'll still have a goyishe kup".

You are immune to the smell of "the kimchi breath." You no longer come to a complete stop at the stop sign and you never yield the right-of-way. You can pick up a single strand of noodles with chopsticks. You ask for more "ko-chu" because the kimchi-chige soup is not hot enough. You enjoy slurping your noodles as loudly as you can. Your back is sore from bowing. You walk down the street holding hands with your buddy. You ask your wife to stand outside with a baseball bat to protect your public parking space in front of the house. You can eat barefooted in a restaurant with a foot in your lap. You can cut in at the front of the line of waiting people with the best of them. You look forward to winter in your off post housing so you can store beer and frozen foods in your bedroom or bathroom. You can fall asleep on the city bus and wake up at your stop. You can shovel in an entire bowl of rice and half a course of Bulkogi into your mouth before you swallow. You rather more...

1. How to get rid of nuclear waste:
Sending nuclear waste into the sun is expensive, because of the amount of
energy expended in getting it out of Earth's gravity well, which is most
probably more energy than was obtained from the fuel in the first place.
The best way to get rid of nuclear waste is to put it on the government
surplus list. People will bid on anything if they think they are getting
a good deal. And as for the damage it will cause, frankly do you really
care what happens to people stupid enough to buy something that is clearly
marked "Hazardous Nuclear Waste?"
2. How to fund private space concerns:
This is a twofold problem: first the difficulty with Congress, and second
the lack of funding. Both these problems can be solved in one simple
manner. Make slavery legal again. All the work on the Constitution has
already been done; you merely need repeal the Emancipation Proclamation.
Now, since congressmen more...

Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, "Convert to Catholicism and get $10."
One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, "Murray, what's going on?"
"Abe," replies Murray, "I'm thinking of doing it."
Abe says, "What, are you crazy?"
Murray thinks for a minute and says, "Abe, I'm going to do it."
With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out twenty minutes later with his head bowed. "So," asks Abe, "did you get your ten dollars?"
Murray looks up at him and says, "Is that all you people think of?"

The convert.
Martin Lewis converts and becomes a priest.
He give his first Mass in front of a number of high ranking priests who came for the occasion. At the end of the new priest`s sermon, a cardinal goes up to congratulate him. "Pastor Lewis," he said, "That was very well done, you were just perfect. But next time, please don`t start your sermon with, "Fellow Goyim..."