"You Know You've Been In Korea Too Long" joke
You are immune to the smell of "the kimchi breath." You no longer come to a complete stop at the stop sign and you never yield the right-of-way. You can pick up a single strand of noodles with chopsticks. You ask for more "ko-chu" because the kimchi-chige soup is not hot enough. You enjoy slurping your noodles as loudly as you can. Your back is sore from bowing. You walk down the street holding hands with your buddy. You ask your wife to stand outside with a baseball bat to protect your public parking space in front of the house. You can eat barefooted in a restaurant with a foot in your lap. You can cut in at the front of the line of waiting people with the best of them. You look forward to winter in your off post housing so you can store beer and frozen foods in your bedroom or bathroom. You can fall asleep on the city bus and wake up at your stop. You can shovel in an entire bowl of rice and half a course of Bulkogi into your mouth before you swallow. You rather watch local TV than AFKN. You can make a left turn looking only to the right. You can convert any US unit measurements into metric measurements in your head. You look forward to Chusok and the Lunar New Year each year. You think that Korea's greatest natural resource is good looking young women. You only lock your door if there are lots of "Mi-gooks" around. People ask if you want to go by car and you respond, "No, I'm in a hurry." Someone says, "Bed," and you think "Yol." You realize that it is safer to "J" walk than use a pedestrian crosswalk. You wear white socks with a dark suit. You can use a public bathroom for both genders and think nothing of it. You know every interchange on the Seoul-Pusan Expressway by heart. You know all the words to the Korean National Anthem and you enjoy singing it. You don't need a restroom to relieve yourself. You crawl back into your house to get your coat, rather than take your shoes back off and walk on the floor with shoes on. You bow at inanimate objects. You walk around humming the tune the crosswalk signal lights play. You enjoy shopping at a local open market place more than Main PX or Commissary. Someone says breakfast, you think of "fish, soup and seaweed." You'd rather sit on the floor than in a chair. You start believing that you can blend into a large crowd of Koreans. All your shoes are bent flat in the back. You let your eyes be drawn towards any female whose hair isn't black. You answer the phone by saying "yoboseyo," and sometimes even at the office. Someone says "mansion" and you think of a two bedroom flat in a 400-unit apartment building. You mutter "Aigu" when lifting a heavy objects. You suck in air through your teeth before saying "no" to anything. You start growling and spitting inside your mouth to add emphasis to what you are about to say. You can convert Hangul into English without repeating it to yourself first. You always wave your left hand to signal you are going to cut in front of another driver without looking first. You select shoes based on how easily you can get them on and off. You answer "Nhe" even when speaking English to non-Korean friends. You carry chopsticks in your back pocket. You enjoy putting lots of red pepper sauce on your salads or French-fries. You don't freak out when the salad arrives with octopus legs still wiggling on top of it. You are not embarrassed when old ladies are standing in a bus while you are sitting down. You like OB or Crown better than Bud or Miller.
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