Chopsticks Jokes

My friend Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Ann made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair. "As an environmentalist," she declared, "I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils." The waiter inspected her chopsticks. "Very beautiful," he said politely. "Ivory."

You are immune to the smell of "the kimchi breath." You no longer come to a complete stop at the stop sign and you never yield the right-of-way. You can pick up a single strand of noodles with chopsticks. You ask for more "ko-chu" because the kimchi-chige soup is not hot enough. You enjoy slurping your noodles as loudly as you can. Your back is sore from bowing. You walk down the street holding hands with your buddy. You ask your wife to stand outside with a baseball bat to protect your public parking space in front of the house. You can eat barefooted in a restaurant with a foot in your lap. You can cut in at the front of the line of waiting people with the best of them. You look forward to winter in your off post housing so you can store beer and frozen foods in your bedroom or bathroom. You can fall asleep on the city bus and wake up at your stop. You can shovel in an entire bowl of rice and half a course of Bulkogi into your mouth before you swallow. You rather more...

A Chinese Christian just died and went up to the Heaven. After an angel greeted him, the angel said, "Let me take you down to the Hell before we go inside the Heaven."
Once they were there, the Chinese saw a huge table full of a big feast. However, everybody around the table looked real sad and starving. He asked the angel why.
The angel said, "They only get a pair of 4-foot chopsticks and thus each one of them cannot feed oneself because the chopsticks are too long."
Then, they went back to the Heaven and went inside. Again, the Chinese saw a huge table full of a big feast just like that in the Hell and each person has a pair of 4-foot chopsticks too. However, strangely, everybody around the table looked happy and satisfied.
The angel explained, "Simple, here in Heaven each one feeds another with the chopsticks, unlike those selfish ones down there."

We know martial arts, and if we don't it still looks like we do. If you do a couple of kicks that aren't too pathetic, people will think you are a master. Good deterrent. We speak two languages. We can speak to you AND your parents. In other words, we can pucker up for you and your parents. Note: You must be the same Asian race for this to apply. We can use chopsticks. In Asian restaurants we can split kimchee for you with chopsticks. Try that with a fork and spoon. We can also play table drums for you with chopsticks. How romantic... We like the same music you do, all that new-wave/techno mixed and synthesized stuff. We are all gonna be rich doctors, engineers, and lawyers. That means only one thing for you, "Shopping, Shopping, and more Shopping." Wheee. We can be your geek on the street (We can help you with all your studying b/c we are naturally geniuses). Or we can be your stud in the pub (We can drink a lot and have that squinty eyed, drooping cig, drink in one hand, more...

My friend Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Ann made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair.
"As an environmentalist," she declared, "I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils."
The waiter inspected her chopsticks. "Very beautiful," he said politely. "Ivory."