Signal Jokes

A woman got turned down for a job on a building site so she threatened to take the company to court for sexual discrimination, when they relented they gave her a job with a scaffolder and she was told that she had to learn 3 hand signals so that she knew what the scaffolder wanted.The 1st signal was a clenched fist moving forward and backward to simulate using a saw.The 2nd was a clenched fist moving up + down to simulate using a hammer.And the 3rd was both hands with for finger and thumb touching and movin closer then further apart to simulate a tape measure, The woman thought this was easy and was told to start in the morning, The next morning arrived and she is on the building site, the scaffolder whistles at her from high up on the scaffold and gives her the tape measure signal, she looks up at him and pats her breast, makes a signal like shes fealing a pregnant belly and then cups her private parts, the scaffolders annoyed and does his signal again, she looks at him and repeats more...

A while back, over in Great Britain, a woman complained to the telephone company about her phone. Sometimes, it would not ring when someone called.
The strange part, she said, was that when it did ring, the ring was invariably preceded by her dog barking. So she was convinced she had a broken telephone and a psychic dog.
Now, in Britain, the ring signal is a high-voltage low-ampere current sent from the local office to the phone. The wire which carries this signal is run from the pole to a large metal spike in the yard, which grounds the circuit.
In order to isolate the problem, the phone company sent a repairman out to climb the pole and manually send the signal down the wire. Sure enough, when he did this, nothing happened the first time. The second time, the dog barked just before the phone rang.
Investigation revealed that the dog was chained (with an iron chain) to the spike that grounded the circuit. So this is what was happening: the ground was dry, preventing more...

Andy wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector puts this question to him: "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?"Andy says, "I would switch the points for one of the trains.""What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector. "Then Id dash down out of the signal box," said Andy, "and Id use the manual lever over there." "What if that had been struck by lightning?" "Then," Andy continues, "Id run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box." "What if the phone was engaged?" "Well in that case," persevered Andy, "Id rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there." "What if that was vandalised?" "Oh well then Id run into the village and get my uncle Silas."This puzzles the inspector, more...

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"

Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track."

"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.

"I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom.

"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.

"Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."

"What if the phone was busy?"

"In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".

"What if that had been more...

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?" Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track."

"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector. "I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom.

"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector. "Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."

"What if the phone was busy?" "In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".

"What if that had been vandalized?" "Oh, well," says Tom, "in that case I'd run more...