Convict Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were
each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy
their time while incarcerated. On the bus, one turned to
another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second
convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he
intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become
the "Grandma Moses of Jail". Then he asked the first, "What
did you bring?" The first convict pulled out a deck of cards
and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker,
solitaire and gin, and any number of games." The third convict,
who was a Vol fan, was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The
other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What
did you bring?" The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He
said "I brought these."
The other two were puzzled and asked - "What can you do with
those?" more...

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered,' Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it.'

'Dear,' the wife hissed, spitting out her gag,' I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice, tight-looking ass!!!!!!!'