Cook Jokes / Recent Jokes

How to cook a Turkey...
- Go buy a turkey
- Take a drink of whiskey (scotch) OR JD
- Put turkey in the oven
- Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
- Set the degree at 375 ovens
- Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
- Turn oven the on
- Take 4 whisks of drinky
- Turk the bastey
- Whiskey another bottle of get
- Stick a turkey in the thermometer
- Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
- Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
- Take the oven out of the turkey
- Take the oven out of the turkey
- Floor the turkey up off of the pick
- Turk the carvey
- Get yourself another scottle of botch
- Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
- Bless the saying, pass and eat out

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

BUTTERBALL TURKEY TALK-LINE' GREATEST HITS'

(or,' Memorable Moments in Talk-Line History;' or,' Out of the Mouths of.... Turkey Trauma Victims')

Over the years, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line staff have had their share of memorable calls -- inquiries that stand out from the crowd because they're heartwarming or amusing. We asked some of the veteran staff members to tell us their favorites; plus, we rounded up a bunch of our own personal favorites from the Talk-Line archives. Its hard to beat the call from a trucker who planned to cook his Thanksgiving turkey on the engine of his truck ('Will it cook faster if I drive faster?'), but some of these come pretty close. Warning: do not attempt to adjust your screen -- these are real incidents, true stories -- from the front lines!

* Home alone, a Kentucky woman was in the doghouse when she called the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line. While preparing the turkey, her Chihuahua jumped into the bird's body cavity more...

Waiter: Why didnt you make all the food on that long order? Cook: Because Im a short order cook.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cook!
Cook who?
That's the first I've heard this year!

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his
regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement at short notice. The fellow
arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking man named Jon. The President
voiced his concerns to his chief of staff but was told that this was the best they
could do at such short notice.
Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his fingers in the soup
to taste it and again he complained to the chief of staff about the cook, but he was
told that this man was supposed to be a very good chef. The meal went okay but the
President was sure that the soup tasted a little off, and by the time dessert came, he
was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea.
It was getting worse and worse till finally he had to excuse himself from the state
dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the
cook, Jon, scratching more...

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cook!
Cook who?
Cuckoo yourself, I don't come here to be insulted!