Cooked Jokes

DEAR WIFE

I'm writing this letter to you to tell you that I'm leaving you.

I've been a good man to you for seven years, yet I have nothing to show for it.

Life with you is unbearable. I called you at work just to see if you wanted to have lunch ( you know, maybe try to reconnect) and your boss told me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new aircut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand-new pair of silk boxers to bed.

You came home and ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep after watching TV. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want to be intimate or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore.

Whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your Ex-husband

P. S.: Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving to West Virginia, if that's a problem, TOUGH!

DEAR more...

Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a more...

Once upon a time there was a chicken. This chicken was very fat and made lots of noise. One day this chicken made so much noise that a farmer came and cut the chicken's head off. Although most chickens would run around once their head was cut off, this chicken would not. Instead, it dropped dead. The end.
Once upon a time a computer dude named Eric went to the store to buy some food. Little did he know that when he went to get the chicken for his stir fry, the chicken he actually got was the hero/victim in the previous story. When the chicken had hit the ground, it had picked up a disease. The flesh eating bacteria that caused you to rot away in agony in less than 24 hours. Although young David's life was about to end, he would be remembered for a long time as the first one to contract the "David" virus. As David cooked the diseased poultry, little did he know, that the chicken was diseased in the first place. As he cooked it, it did not destroy the virus. He ate it more...

A resident in a posh hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning and said with a wonderful and cheerful smile. "Good Morning sir. What a wonderful morning I'd like two boiled eggs, one of them so under cooked it's runny, and the other so over cooked it's tough and hard to eat. Also, grilled bacon that has been left out so it gets a bit on the cold side; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze so that it's impossible to spread; and a pot of very weak coffee, lukewarm."

"That's a complicated order sir," said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult."

The guest replied, "Oh? I don't understand -- that's what I got yesterday!"

Son To Mother: Mom I Am Feeling Hungry.
Mom: But The Rice Is Half Cooked.
Son: So What Give Me The Part Of The Rice Which Is Cooked.