Cooper Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."
- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
"But what... is it good for?"
- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
- Bill Gates, 1981
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of more...

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKenzie asks:

"So how are your men?"

"Very well trained, General. McKenzie."

"I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country."

"Well, my men are very brave, too."

"I'd like to see that."

So Marshall calls private Cooper and says:

"Private Cooper! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!"

"Are you fucking crazy? It'd kill me, you asshole! I'm out of here!"

As private Cooper ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said: "You see? You have to be pretty damn brave to talk like that to more...

Malaysian students set a record for most people in a Mini Cooper when 21 students got into one and stayed the mandatory 20 seconds. What they didn't say is that Malaysia is a starving nation and there was still room for a family of four in the backseat. Also unreported: The government of Malaysia announced that it will set up its headquarters in the Mini Cooper.