Cord Jokes / Recent Jokes
This preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found oneat a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning." This mower work, son?" the preacher asked. Little Johnny said, "Sure does -- just pull on the cord hard, though." The preacher took the mower home and when he got ready to mow he yanked and pulled and tugged on that cord. Nothing worked. It wouldn't start. Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny'shouse. "You said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough." "Well," Johnny said, "you need to curse at it sometimes." The preacher was aghast. "I've not done that in years!""Just keep yanking on that cord, Preacher. It'll come back to you."
Ole and Sven are bungee-jumping one day. Ole says to Sven, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico. They don't have it there" Ole thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration. So Sven jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up Ole notices that he has a few cuts an scratches.
Unfortunately, Ole isn't able to catch him, and he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again Ole misses him. Sven falls again and bounces back up. This time he comes back pretty messed up, he's got a couple of more...
'Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?' 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
'What sort of trouble?' 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
'Went away?' 'They disappeared.'
'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?' 'Nothing.'
'Nothing?' 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?' 'How do I tell?'
[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?' 'What's a sea-prompt?'
[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] 'Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?' 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
[Ah--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if s/he's kicked out his/her monitor's power plug?]
'Does your monitor have a power indicator?' 'What's a more...
A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.
The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.
The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
"Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
[Ah--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a more...
This is a true story from the WordPerfecthelpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currentlysuing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect CustomerSupport employee with a caller:
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a more...
Two guys are bungee jumping one day. The first guy says
> > > to the second "You know, we can make a lot of money
> > > running our own bungee jumping service in Mexico." The
> > > second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool
> > > their money and buy everything they'll need-a tower, an
> > > elastic cord, insurance, etc. So, they travel to Mexico
> > > and begin to set up on the square. As they are
> > > constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble.
> > > Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them work.
> > >
> > > The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord,
> > > but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that
> > > he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the
> > > second guy isn't able to catch him, he falls again,
> > > bounces and comes back up again. This time he is
> > > bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him.
> > > The more...