Cork Jokes / Recent Jokes

This guy wants to be a proctologist, and he wants to be a really good proctologist, so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and practice a little. Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it and music starts playing!
".. . On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again...". The guy really freaks out! He runs and gets the M.A. and drags the poor guy back to the table. "Look!" he says, and pulls the cork out again, ".. . On the road again. . . "
The M.A. is totally unimpressed..."So what?" he says.
"Isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?", the guy asked.
"Are you kidding?" says the M.A. "Any asshole can sing country music!"

A student of proctology is in the morgue one day after classes, wanting to get a little practice in before the final exams.He goes over to a table where a body is lying face down. He uncovers the sheet over the body, and to his surprise he finds a cork in the corpse's rectum.
Figuring that this is fairly unusual, he pulls the cork out, and to his surprise, music begins playing:
"On the road again...just can't wait to get on the road again..." The student is amazed, and places the cork back in the backside. The music stops. Totally freaked out, the student calls the Medical Examiner over to the corpse.
"Look at this, this is really something," the student tells the examiner as he pulls the cork back out again. "On the road again...just can't wait to get on the road again..."
"So what?" the Medical Examiner replies, obviously unimpressed with the student's discovery.
"But isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever more...

Three jokes all related to the recent Clinton visit to Ireland.

Joke 1
On his recent trip to Dublin, Bill Clinton walked down Moor Street. For those of you that don't know Dublin, Moor Street has a large population of street fruit sellers.
Bill goes up to one of these fruitsellers and asks for a dozen oranges. He is given his bag of oranges, pays his money and walks off.
A liitle way down the road he looks in the bag and discovers he only has 11. He goes back to remonstrate: Bill: "How many Oranges do I get in a dozen in Ireland?"
Street Seller: "12 sir"
Bill: "But I've only got 11!"
Street Seller: "That's right, one was bad so I threw it away for you!"

Joke 2
Prior to Bill's visit to Ireland the CIA and Secret Service wanted to ensure everything was perfectly safe, so they trained a special agent in every known dialect of Irish Gaelic, and sent him on a short tour of the country.
He more...

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank.

I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.

I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass.

I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle.

Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the more...

There were two factories in New York City. One of them made maternity frocks for expectant mothers, so they were called the "Mother Frockers".
The factory across the street made corks for wine bottles. They had to soak the corks before they could put them into the bottles, so they were called the "Cork Soakers".
One day a Cork Soaker didn't soak a cork long enough and it flew out of one of the bottles and hit one of the Mother Frockers in the eye.
That made all the Mother Frockers mad at the Cork Soakers, so they went outside and had the biggest Mother-Frocking Cork Soaking fight you ever saw...

Three scientists were one day discussing what would happen if they rammed a cork up an elephant's backside and force fed it for 2 weeks. But because the experiment had never been documented and the idea was hard to comprehend they decided to have a go.
A week after the experiment had started they began to realize WHY the idea had never been tried: they were stuck for someone to pull the cork out.
One of the scientists came up with the bright idea of training a monkey to do the job, so they spent the next week training it to pull out corks once a buzzer had rung, then push it back in for another go. When the big day arrived they set up all the monitoring equipment and moved out to a safe distance.
The first scientist went 1 mile away, the second went 2 miles away and the third went 3 miles. When they were all ready the first scientist pushed the button to sound the buzzer. BBBAAANNNGGG!!!
The third scientist (3 miles away) was up to his ankles in shit, the second (2 more...

Three scientists were one day discussing what would happen if they rammed a cork up an elephant's backside and force fed it for 2 weeks. But because the experiment had never been documented and the idea was hard to comprehend they decided to have a go.A week after the experiment had started they began to realize WHY the idea had never been tried: they were stuck for someone to pull the cork out.One of the scientists came up with the bright idea of training a monkey to do the job, so they spent the next week training it to pull out corks once a buzzer had rung, then push it back in for another go. When the big day arrived they set up all the monitoring equipment and moved out to a safe distance.The first scientist went 1 mile away, the second went 2 miles away and the third went 3 miles. When they were all ready the first scientist pushed the button to sound the buzzer. BBBAAANNNGGG!!! The third scientist (3 miles away) was up to his ankles in shit, the second (2 miles away) was up to more...