Corporate Jokes / Recent Jokes

An employee who had a terrible history for taking time off phoned in again one Monday morning:
"I'm sorry, but I'll not be able to come in today as I'm too sick."

You know you married a redneck when she fills out her family reunion name tag, "Four for a Dollar." Redneck
YOU KNOW YOU WORK IN CORPORATE AMERICA IF... "YOU KNOW YOU WORK IN CORPORATE AMERICA IF...
You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies
Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro
Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket
Your company logo on your badge is applied with stick-um
You order your business cards in "half orders" instead of whole boxes
When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie
You get really excited about a 2% pay raise
You learn about your layoff on CNN
Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes
You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet
Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined
You think lunch is just a meeting to which more...

Usually the executives and staff of the company play football.
The middle level managers are more interested in Tennis.
The top management usually has a preference for Golf.
Finding:
As you go up the corporate ladder, the balls reduce in size.

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman
"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors more...

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.' What is the meaning of this?' the director asked.' When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held.'
'Well,' the young man replied,' in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.'

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.

So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.
'Boss', he said,' The pill actually worked!'
'That's all fine' said the boss,' But where were you yesterday?'

Australian Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution for the following scam:

A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check.
After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers' money in the form of a company check.
However, due to the name of the company, few people will present these checks to their banks.
The name of the company: "The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company."