Correct Jokes / Recent Jokes
Have you been spending more and more time using the Internet? Have your cheeks taken on that pasty white glow from over-exposure to your computer monitor? How do you know if you're addicted to the Net and losing touch with reality? Take the Net Addict's Reality Test.Answer the following multiple choice questions and check out your score to see if you should be concerned:What do you think are good names for children? a) Scott and Jenny.b) Bill Gates IV.c) Mozilla and Dotcom. What's a telephone? a) A thing with a round dial you use to talk to others.b) A telecommunications device with 12 keys.c) Something you plug into a modem. Which punctuation is most correct? a) I had a wonderful day! b) I had a **wonderful** day!!! c) I had a wonderful day :-) You wake up at 4:00 a.m. and decide to:a) Visit the washroom.b) Raid the fridge.c) Check your E-mail. What are RAM and ROM? a) A male sheep and a city in Italy.b) Hulking stars of the WWF.c) I need more of the former and should upgrade the more...
"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."
One student replied:
"You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."
This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.
For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead more...
How to be politically correct with womenShe is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT. She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE. She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED. She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES. She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION. She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER. She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT. She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE. She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE. She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT. She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED. She more...
A Math teacher was conducting an Algebra lesson and gave the class a riddle to solve by using an equation to find the unknown value. After sometime the teacher asked the students to put up hands of those who got the correct answer 10 for the riddle. As no one raised hands, the teacher did the question on the board. He used x as the unknown quantity and computed the equation, then solved the riddle. He walked around the class checking the books to findout what difficulties they had in getting 10 as the answer. Finally he came accross a student who got the correct answer 10 but had not raised her hand. The teacher asked " why didn't you put up your hand"?. The girl replied " Sir I did not use x, but I used a instead. This is really a true incident.
"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant. "You came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man." "That`s correct," replies the defendant. "Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you took out a pistol and shot your wife, killing her." "That`s correct," replies the defendant. "Then my question to you is," demands the prosecutor, "why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?" "It seemed easier," the defendant says, "than shooting a different man every day!"
Young lady: "My husband is always telling me to go to hell. I would like to know if I could legally take my children with me."
Equally qualified "Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job."Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!"Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"Manager: "Simple. The American put down on question # 5, 'I don't more...
A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, `come fly the friendly skies`?" Joe answered the correct airline. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don`t leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan, `Just do it`?" And John answered, "Mom.