Cough Jokes / Recent Jokes

10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip. 9. Ask, "Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?"8. After he describes each special, you shout, "Garbage!"7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, "Minimum wage". 6. Every few seconds, yell, "More waffles, Cuomo!"5. Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil. 4. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, "You wouldn't charge Superman for dinner, would you?"3. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard. 2. As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, "He's gonna spit in the chowder!"1. Three words: eat the check.

10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip.
9. Ask, “Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor? ”
8. After he describes each special, you shout, “Garbage! ”
7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, “Minimum wage”.
6. Every few seconds, yell, “More waffles, Cuomo! ”
5. Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil.
4. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, “You wouldn’t charge Superman for dinner, would you? ”
3. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard.
2. As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, “He’s gonna spit in the chowder! ”
1. Three words: eat the check.

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.

Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.

The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!" Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.
"Just more...

Top ten ways to annoy your waiter
From the Late Show with David Letterman - Friday, January 13, 1995 with revisions made by John Insor.


10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip.

9. Ask, "Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?"

8. After he describes each special, you shout, "Garbage!"

7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, "Minimum wage".

6. Every few seconds, yell, "More waffles, Cuomo!"

5. Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil.

4. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, "You wouldn't charge Superman for dinner, would you?"

3. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard.

2. As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, "He's gonna spit in the chowder!"

1. Three words: eat the check.

Outside a pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life - not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle - just standing there, frozen.
The pharmacist, seeing this strange sight in front of his shop, goes up to his assistant and asks, "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?"
Assistant replies, "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help."
Pharmacist says, "He seems to be fine now."
Assistant replies, "Sure, he is. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market... Now he won't dare cough!"

Outside a pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life - not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle - just standing there, frozen.The pharmacist, seeing this strange sight in front of his shop, goes up to his assistant and asks, "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?"Assistant replies, "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help."Pharmacist says, "He seems to be fine now."Assistant replies, "Sure, he is. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market... Now he won't dare cough!"

Outside a pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle, just standing there, frozen.
The pharmacist, seeing this strange sight in front of his shop, goes up to his assistant, Santa, and asks, "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?"
Santa replies, "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help."
Pharmacist says, "He seems to be fine now."
Santa replies, "Sure, he does. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives [something that loosens the bowels. Used to combat constipation, overdose causes diarrhea] on the market. Now he won't dare cough!"