Count Jokes / Recent Jokes
The software engineering community has been placing a great deal of
emphasis lately on metrics and their use in software development. The
following metrics are probably among the most valuable for a software
project:
The Pizza Metric
How: Count the number of pizza boxes in the lab.
What: Measures the amount of schedule under-estimation.
If people are spending enough after-hours time
working on the project that they need to have
meals delivered to the office, then there has
obviously been a mis-estimation somewhere.
The Aspirin Metric
How: Maintain a centrally-located aspirin bottle for use
by the team. At the beginning and end of each month,
count the number of aspirin remaining aspirin in the
bottle.
What: Measures stress suffered by the team during the project.
This most likely indicates poor project design in the
early phases, which causes over-expenditure of effort
later on. In the early phases, high more...
Count Dracula walks into a local bar and says" Bartender, may I have a glass of water please?" The bartender, being very curious, gives the count a glass of water and asks the count, "What do you need with a glass of water? " The Count whips out a Blood covered, well used Tampon from under his coat and proceeds to drop it in the Glass of water...then he looks up at the Bartender and says..." I Thought I would make me a glass of Ice Tea this time...!!!"
There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers. One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill. He told the uncle to ask him and addition question. So they uncle asked, "What is three plus four?" The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said, "Seven." The uncle said, "Listen kid, you cant count it out on your hands because someday when you are in school, a teacher will get mad at you for it. Now put your hands in your pockets." So the little boy put his hands in his pockets and his uncle asked, "What is five plus five?" The uncle saw movement in the boys pockets, then the boy said, "Eleven."
a blonde comes skipping home from school one day and says mum i can count to 10 but my friends could only count to 5 is it because im blonde?
mum replies yes it is love
the next day she comes in skipping and said i could go up to g in the alphabet but my friends could only go up to d is that because im blonde?
yes it is love
the next day she comes skipping in and says mum everyone in my class is flat chested but im not and gets out some 34f is that because im blonde mum?
no love its because your 25
An
85 year old man visits his doctor to get a sperm count.
The geezer's given a jar and told to bring back a sample.
The next day he returns to the doctor with an empty
jar.
"What happened?" says the doctor.
"Well," the old man starts, "I asked
my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then
her left - nothing. Then she tried with her mouth,
first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out,
still nothing. We even called Evelyn, the lady next
door, but still nothing."
The doctor bursts out, "You asked your neighbor?"
"Yep, No matter what we tried we couldn't get
that damn jar open."
1. If you eat something, but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.
4. Foods used for medicinal purposes never count. e. g. hot chocolate, brandy, toast, Sara Lee cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. e. g. milk duds, buttered popcorn, junior mints and Tootsie Rolls.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage.
8. Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.
9. more...