Cream Jokes

A penguin was driving through the desert when his car broke down. He waddled to the nearest phone to call AAA. His car was quickly towed to the nearest garage where the mechanic told him he would need a couple of hours to check out the car.
The penguin, being a good natured bird, didn't complain but wandered off to find the closest supermarket. He proceeded to the frozen foods section and hung out near the fish sticks.
After an hour he got in the freezer next to the vanilla ice cream and ate several gallons. Then he saw the time and went back to the garage covered in ice cream.
The mechanic walked over to him wiping his hands and shaking his head saying, "It looks like you blew a seal."
Blushing, the penguin said, "Oh no! It's just ice cream."

This little old lady walks into an ice cream parlor and asks for 2 scoops of chocolate ice cream. The man behind the counter says 'I'm sorry, we are all out of chocolate ice cream'.The lady says 'OK, I'll take one scoop of chocolate ice cream in a cup.'The man says 'Ma-am, we are all out of chocolate'.The little old lady says 'OK, then I'll have a single scoop of chocolate in a cone'.The man, a little more irritated this time says 'Ok, lady. Spell van as in vanilla'.The lady says V A NThe man says, 'OK, spell straw as in strawberry'.The lady says S T R A W.The man says, 'OK, now spell fuck as in chocolate'.The lady says there ain't no fuck in chocolate.The man says, 'Lady, that's what I've been trying to tell you all along!

"Waiter, I'd a cup of coffee, please, no cream."
"I'm sorry, sir, we're out of cream. Would you have it with no milk?"
"Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud!"
"Well, it was ground this morning!"
"Tea or coffee, gentlemen?" asked the waiter.
"I'll have tea," replied the first customer.
"Me too – and be sure the cup is clean!"
Soon, the waiter returns with two cups of tea.
"Two teas," he says. "And which of you gentleman asked for a clean cup?"

This couple was getting ready to go to bed and when the husband came in from the bathroom his wife was rubbing this cream all over her tits. He said "what the hell are you doing".
She said she was unhappy about the size of her breasts and this cream was supposed to make them larger. "But it really doesn't seem to be working" she said.
The husband said "wait a minute I have an idea". So he went into the bathroom and came back with a roll of toilet paper and started rubbing it all over her tits.
She said "what are you doing"?
He said "well, I figured you have been wiping your ass with this for years and look how big it has gotten"!

Little Connie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

"Why do you do that, Mom?"

"To make myself beautiful," she answered. She then began to remove the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" Connie started. "Giving up?"