Count Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here, you'll find jokes and humor about the elderly.


Jokes About Senior CitizensOLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they just change color
OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they're just fooling themselves
OLD MAIDS count on fingers, but young girls count on legs
OLD MATH TEACHERS never die, they just reduce to lowest terms
OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just disintegrate
OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just go off on a tangent
OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just lose some functions
OLD MEDIUMS never die, they are just visiting their friends
OLD MERCENARIES never die, they find someone else to take their place
OLD MERCENARIES never die, they just go to hell to regroup
OLD METEORS never die, they just burn up
OLD MILKMAIDS never die, they just lose their whey
OLD MINISTERS never die -- they just go out to pastor
OLD MP's never die, they just attain peerage
OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just more...

An elderly man went to his doctor's office for a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."
The next day the man returned to the doctor and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as when the doctor gave it to him the previous day.
"What happened?" the doctor asked.
"It's like this," the man explained. "First I tried with my left hand, but, nothing. Then I tried with my right hand and still nothing.
Then I asked my wife to help. She tried with her left hand, but, nothing. Then she tried with her right, but still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in and then with them out, and still nothing.
We even called upon the lady next door. She tried with both her hands and her mouth, but nothing."
Shocked, the doctor said, "You asked your neighbor?"
"Yes, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar more...

Can't Spell
Thomas Lee Jones, 24, was arrested last September for robbing a Santa Barbara restaurant with a note threatening "to shot" employees. Police set up a roadblock asking people to spell "shoot". They soon apprehended Jones.
Can't Count
In Cranston, R.I., Donald M. Thomas, 34, escaped in March after serving 89 days of a 90-day jail sentence for disorderly conduct and thus now faces up to 20 years in prison.
Brain?
Lawry Adams, 27, was arrested in Harrison, N.Y., in Jan. when he was stopped in a routine traffic check and could not produce a driver's license. He gave his brother's name (which he was unable to spell) and his brother's date of birth (but was not able to give the age that corresponds to it).

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afforda larger double-wide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told himthat he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in' Bama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beercan, hold it to his ear and more...

An 83 year old man went to the doctor for a physical. The doctor pronounced him in fine shape but the old man asked to have a sperm count done. "I don't think that's necessary," said the doctor, but the old man insisted so the doctor gave him an empty bottle and instructed him to fill it up and bring it back the following day. The next day the old man returns with an empty bottle. "What happened?" asked the doctor. "Well", the old man said, "I tried with my right hand, I tried with my left hand, my wife tried with her right hand, she tried with her left hand, she tried with her teeth in, she tried with her teeth out... We never could get the damn lid off the bottle!"

If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows
and only four tellers?

After having their 11th child, a Kentucky couple decided that was enough(they could not afford a larger double wide).

So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Kentucky), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Kentuckian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." So, the couple drove to Ohio to get a second opinion.

The Ohio physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Kentucky. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, more...