Counter Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman decides to have a face-lift for her 40th birthday. She spends $15, 000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk,' I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?'' About 25,' is the reply.'' Nope! I'm exactly 40,' the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies,' I'd guess about 26.' The woman replies with a big smile,' Nope, I'm 40.'
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds,' Oh, I'd say 24.' Again she proudly responds,' I'm 40, but thank you!'
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies,' Lady, I'm 60 and my eyesight is more...
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a dept. store and asks -"W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?" The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?" Again, the clerk doesn`t answer him. The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?" And the clerk just seems to ignore him. Finally, the guy is angry and storms off. The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "why wouldn`t you answer that guy's question?" The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"
One day a twelve-year-old walks into a whorehouse dragging a dead frog on a string behind him. He slaps a hundred-dollar bill on the counter and says, "I want one of your women."
The madam looks at him and says, "Don't you think you're a bit young for that?"
He slaps another hundred on the counter and says, "I want one of your women."
The madam says, "Okay have a seat, she'll be down in about twenty minutes."
He slaps another hundred on the counter and says, "She has to have active herpes."
The madam starts to sputter and asks why, but he slaps another hundred on the counter and says, "Active herpes."
She responds, "Okay have a seat - it'll be about ten minutes." Ten minutes later, a woman comes out, they go upstairs (dragging this dead frog) and do their deal.
As he's leaving, the madam asks him, "Okay why did you want someone with active herpes?"
The kid replies, more...
The counter man in the ice cream shop saw a customer leaving the drug store across the way, heading for his shop. The customer entered, set a small Thermos container on the counter, and unwrapped a condom.
“Here, take this condom. Drop a scoop of ice cream in it. ”
The counter man did so, and handed the condom, with its ice cream content, to the customer. The customer placed the arrangement in the Thermos jug, and capped the jug.
“What, ” asked the ice cream purveyor, “Is the reason for that? ”
“For three months, my wife has been bugging me for a deep freeze. Tonight, by golly, I’m going to give it to her! ”
A guy worked in an adult book store. One afternoon his friend walked in. The guy said, "Dude, thank goodness you showed up!" "I'm starving, and I need you to watch the counter for me for a few minutes, while I run across the street to get some lunch." The friend looked around the store, then looked back at his friend oddly. The guy said, "Dude, don't ask any questions, just sell it to em." The friend said, "Ok". So the guy left. A customer came in, and went up to the counter. She said, "I want a vibrator. What do you have?" The friend said, "We got red ones, white ones, black ones, big ones, little ones and medium sized ones." The lady said, "I'll take a little red one to carry in my bag." He sold it to her. Another woman walked in. She approached the counter and said, "I would like a vibrator, what do you have?" The friend replied, "Red, black or white, large, medium or small. The woman asked, more...
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman. But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.
She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"
The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years, and I thought he meant his money!!"
A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled - leaving
the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer?
Fifteen dollars.