Counter Jokes / Recent Jokes

Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago."Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked."Not very likely," his wife said."It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store.With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!""No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time."The man more...

A man was browsing through a novelty store. There was no one else in the store, and so the clerk called him over to the counter. "You have to see what we just got in," he said, "It's the latest thing out."
With that he took out a package from under the counter and raised the lid showing the customer a strange looking object.
"What's that?" asked the customer.
"It's a mechanical twat," replied the clerk.
"What on earth is it supposed to do?" asked the customer.
The clerk unwound the electrical cord and inserted it into the floor outlet, whereupon the "thing" began to make all sorts of exotic undulating motions. The customer was fascinated.
"I have to have one of those!" he said.
"All right, sir, shall I wrap it for you?" asked the clerk.
"Oh no, that's all right," replied the customer, "I'll just eat it here."

A young man walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi, I hate drawing welfare. I would really rather find a job. The man behind the counter replied, "Your timing is amazing. We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nympho daughter. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes, but the suits, shirts, and ties are provided. Because of the long hours of this job, meals will also be provided. You will also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas holidays. The salary package is $200, 000 a year.". The young man said, "You're bullshitting me, man!" The man behind the counter said, "Well, you started it!"

One day a man came home from work to find total chaos in the house. The kids were laying outside in the mud, still in their pajamas, and empty food boxes were on the kitchen counter. When he opened the door, he found an even bigger mess: dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table and a pile of sand by the back door. The family room was strewn with toys, and a lamp had been knocked over. He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife. He was becoming worried that she might be ill or that something terrible had happened to her. He found her in the bedroom still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a book. She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day had gone. He looked at her, bewildered, and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know, every day, you come home from work and ask me what I did today." "Yes" was his reply. She answered, "Well, today, I more...

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.
Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.
England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about more...

A teenage girl shopped at the mall and stopped at the perfume counter. She sees, “My Sin”, “Desire”, and “Ecstasy”. She says to the salesperson, “I don't want to get emotionally involved...I just want to smell nice.”

A Japanese guy is at Los Angeles International Airport, waiting for his flight back home to Japan. While hes waiting, he goes to the currency exchange counter to change his remaining dollars. He counts his money at the counter. "Wait a minute," he says to the clerk, "When I came here I got more dollars for my yen. Whats going on here?""Fluctuations." says the clerk. The Japanese man stiffens. "Well! Fluck you Americans, too!"