Counter Jokes / Recent Jokes

An extremely red-faced man stormed into the tiny shop on the corner of Lingot and Main. Pushing his way past the assorted browsers, he bore down on the sales counter like a Scud missile. The lone clerk regarded him with some trepidation.

"I want to speak to the manager," he demanded.

"I'm sorry Sir, Mr. Mowbray isn't in today. Is there anything I can help you with?"

"You're damn right there is," he sputtered, his anger gushing out like urine in a pub. He reached into his pants pocket, extracted a tattered wallet and slammed it down on the counter. "I bought this piece of shit here only two months ago and now look at it. It's falling apart. Forty-nine ninety-five it cost me! Forty-nine ninety-five," he added for more emphasis. "Can you believe that?" His face was getting redder.

The clerk wasn't sure what to say to him. She only hoped the top of his head stayed put. She picked up the wallet more...

A guy worked in an adult book store. One afternoon his friend walked in. The guy said, "Dude, thank goodness you showed up!" "I'm starving, and I need you to watch the counter for me for a few minutes, while I run across the street to get some lunch."The friend looked around the store, then looked back at his friend oddly. The guy said, "Dude, don't ask any questions, just sell it to em." The friend said, "Ok". So the guy left.A customer came in, and went up to the counter. She said, "I want a vibrator. What do you have?" The friend said, "We got red ones, white ones, black ones, big ones, little ones and medium sized ones." The lady said, "I'll take a little red one to carry in my bag." He sold it to her. Another woman walked in. She approached the counter and said, "I would like a vibrator, what do you have?" The friend replied, "Red, black or white, large, medium or small. The woman asked, more...

My dog chewed the tongue on one of my new, expensive running shoes. I hoped to save my investment, so I took the sneakers to a shoe repair shop. I placed them on the counter and told the man, "My dog got hold of this."The repairman picked up the shoe, looked it over, and placed it back down on the counter. "Well, what do you recommend?" I asked.He looked at me and replied, "Give your dog the other shoe."

(This is a joke told by the Greaseman, a DJ on DC-101, a Washington radio
station:)
Once upon a time, there was a woman working at a lingerie counter, and
a customer came to the counter with a pair of frilly panties and said
she'd like to buy them, adding, "but only of you can embroider 'If
you can read this, you're too close.' on the back."
So, the saleswoman took the panties to the tailor in back, and described the
rather unusual request.
The tailor said, "Well, she sounds like a stick in the mud, but I can do
that. Does she want block letters or script?"
Since the saleswoman didn't know, she went back around to the counter, and
asked, "do you want that in block letters or script?"
The customer replied, with a smile, "Braille."

A guy's car breaks down in the middle of town, and he looks for a hotel to stay in while he waits for his car to be fixed. He finds a very small hotel and walks in.
He asks the man at the counter, "Do you have any rooms available?"
The man at the counter says, "Yeah, but don't stick your dick in the 3 holes."
"OK." The guy agrees and walks to his room.
A couple of days go by and his car is still in the shop. He gets curious and sticks his dick in the first hole.
He says, "Ahh, that feels good!" Then he sticks his dick in the second hole, "Ahh, that feels even better!" Then he sticks his dick in the third hole, "OUCH! My dick!!"
He quickly pulled his dick out and it was all bloody. He was very confused, but he went to sleep.
The next day he went to the counter to see what was in the holes, but before he could ask anything the man at the counter said, "You stuck your dick in the three holes more...

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding
where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked
pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might
kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.
But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main
staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.
She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in
the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned,
"Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an
alligator!"
The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak,
"Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years, and I
thought he meant his money!!"

The saleswoman sat down at the counter in thee run-down diner. It wasn't the land of place she'd have visited on her own, but she was on the road, and it was the only place open.
"Ill have the chicken noodle soup," she said, looking at the menu. After all, she reasoned, the soup would have to have been boiled.
The man behind the counter said, "Sorry, hon, we ain't got that today."
"What do you have?" she asked.
"Chicken pea," he replied.
Growing pale, the woman said, "111 just have coffee, thanks."