Country Jokes / Recent Jokes

A city mouse had a country mouse stay for the weekend, and spent the whole time offering urban advice. On the last evening of the country mouse's visit, they were dining in the kitchen when in
came the largest cat the country mouse had ever seen.
"Don't panic," said the town mouse, "Leave this to me."
Marching up to the cat she said, "Bow wow wow wow! The cat turned and ran from the room.
"How did you do that?" asked the country mouse.
"Like I told you," said the town mouse, "it pays to learn a second language."

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING DUTCH
1. You can get arrested for growing plants, but not for smoking them.
2. You can make jokes about the Belgians and still drink their beer.
3. a. You can legally kill yourself
3. b. You can legally be killed
4. You're exactly like the Germans, without an uneery sense of guilt.
5. You think you are a world power, but everyone else thinks
Copenhagen is your capital.....
6. You get to insult people and defend yourself by saying it's a national tradition.
7. You can put your finger in a dyke and it will save your country
8. You live in the most densely populated country in Europe, and still you've never seen your neighbours.
9. If the economy is bad, blame the Germans. If a war is started, blame the Germans. If you lose your bike, blame the Germans.
10. Bikes are public property. Locks are a challenge.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING BELGIAN
1. You get to speak three languages, but none of more...

The United Airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays, that would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed, rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Now put the tray up, more...

One night George Bush awakens from a fitfull sleep to find himself visited by the ghost of George Washington. Dubya begs of Washington's spirit, "Tell me: As president, what's the best thing I can do for my country?"
"That's easy," replies Washington's Ghost. "Set an honest and honorable example, just like I did." And with that he was gone.
On the next night George Bush awakens from a fitfill sleep to find himself visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. Duby begs of Jefferson's spirit, "Tell me: As president, what's the best thing I can do for my country?"
"That's easy," replies Jefferson's Ghost. "Cut taxes and streamline the federal government, just like I did." And with that he was gone.
On the third night George Bush awakens from a fitfull sleep to find himself visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Dubya begs of Lincoln's spirit, "Tell me: As president, what's the best thing I can do for my more...

"Things are more like they are now than they have ever been." -President Gerald Ford
"My fellow astronauts..."
-Vice-President Dan Quayle, beginning a speech at an Apollo 11 anniversary celebration.
"Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life."
-Orrin Hatch, Senator from Utah, explaining his support of the death penalty.
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
-Charles de Gaulle, ex-French President
"I stand by all the misstatements."
-Dan Quayle, defending himself against criticism for making verbal gaffes
"Gerald Ford was a Communist"
-Ronald Reagan in a speech. He later indicated he meant to say 'Congressman'.
"Outside of the killings, Washington D.C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
-Mayor Marion Barry, Washington D.C.
"We found the term 'killing' too broad."
-State Department more...

A man was passing a country estate and saw a sign on the gate. It read: "Please ring bell for the caretaker." He rang the bell and an old man appeared. "Are you the caretaker?" the fellow asked. "Yes, I am," replied the old man. "What do you want?" "I`d just like to know why you can`t ring the bell yourself."

Buenos Aires (SatireWire.com) — In an effort to fill its depleting ranks of potential leaders, Argentina's Congress today implemented a nationwide draft that requires all citizens age 18 and over to serve as the country's president for a minimum of two days.
Implementation of the presidential draft is expected to reduce turnover in the position by 50 percent. The decision, however, caused violent unrest in the country of 39 million, as hordes of potential conscripts protested outside government offices.
"I love my country, but it is not fair to ask me to sacrifice my future to serve as president," said 19-year-old Manuel Rodriguez, whose low draft number, 0434, makes it likely he will be called up sometime in early 2005.
The nation's mothers, meanwhile, joined in the protests. "Please do not take my baby away!" cried Maria Esconvida, a housewife from Cordoba. "Take me instead!"
Congressional leaders quickly swore her in before she could more...