County Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three ducks were to begin migrating south for the winter. The first duck tells the other two ducks that it is the same boring trip every year, so to spice it up, he suggested a little contest. While flying south, the duck that bombs the most people will be the winner. So the first duck flies away and happens upon a county fair. He flies over the crowd of people and drops a load of shit, hitting five people. The second duck flies upon a carnival and he too drops a load of shit, hitting eight people. The third duck flies over a crowd of people, but before he could drop his load he feels and sees something pink stuck in his ass. As the three ducks meet at the South Pole, the first duck brags he hit five people at a county fair. The second duck brags he hit eight people at a carnival. The third duck said,"Just my damn luck, I had to fly over a paintball tournament!"

A cub reporter for a small town newspaper was sent out on his first assignment. He submitted the following report to his editor. "Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her breasts."The Editor scolded the new reporter, "This is a family paper. We dont use words like breasts around here. Now go back and write something more appropiate!"The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally he handed the Editor the following report. "Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her (. )(. ) "

In a small midwestern town, nestled-up in the wee rolling hills of
southern Indiana, there's a microcosm of all that is (and shall ever
be) the Great Mid West. It's known as Brown County. Yup. That's
my hometown!
And if you want to know what's going on in Brown County, you only
have to read the Sheriff's Log in the local paper, The Brown County
Democrat. Heck, even if you don't want to know what's going on, you
still read it for the comic relief!
This is a small collection of some of the actual phone calls received
by the Sheriff's department in good 'ol Brown County, Indiana:
Man on Bellsville Road reported someone has knocked down
his mailbox and then came back and ran over it.
11:14pm Man reports suspicious vehicle on Butler Road.
11:34pm Deputy reports vehicle had a couple of "lovers"
in it. They were advised to pull the car off the road.
Man has found a couch hidden behind a wood pile.
Woman's washing more...

The Associated Press reports that a school board in Cobb County Georgia has abandoned a four year battle for the right to place stickers on their high school science textbooks calling evolution a "theory, not a fact."

"We faced the distraction and expense of starting all over with more legal actions and another trial. With this agreement, it is done and we now have a clean slate for the new year." - Cobb County school board chairwoman Teresa Plenge.
Translated: "We'd really rather not endure a fifth year of judges laughing and pointing."

Once again it is time to start thinking about casting your vote for the 1998
Darwin Award winner! As you may already know, the Darwin Awards
are for those nominees who contribute to the gene pool by dying in
spectacularly stupid ways before they breed (thankfully). The 1998 nominees
are:

NOMINEE No. 1 [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using
a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield,
accidentally
shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
NOMINEE No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of
Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police
described as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a
highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source
of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and
the other man found Burns "wrapped in more...

Hunting camels is prohibited. There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus. When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses. It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony (This goes back in the days of the Wild West). Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water. In Arizona it is illegal to take naked photographs before noon on Sunday.In 1985, an Arizona legislator proposed that each candidate for the legislature take a reading and an I.Q. test three months before the election. The scores would have been posted on the ballot, had the bill passed. But a majority of legislators, for whatever reason, voted it down. Glendale: Cars may not be driven in more...