Court Jokes / Recent Jokes

...a texas appeals court has ruled that the government had no right to remove the FLDS children from their ranch compound...the court has ruled that they should be returned to their mother...and their brothers & sisters...and to their 12 other moms...and whichever one of them is "dad".

There was a man who bught a cigar. He went to his lawyer to have it insured against fire damage. The insurance company was outraged, so they took him to court, but the man won. So they insured the cigar against fire damage. A few days later, the man lit the cigar and smoked it. When he went to collect the insurance money, because the cigar had, of course, burnt down, they insurance company took him to court again. They won and had him sued, for arson.

A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim.
"I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered?" Stated the counsel for the insurance company.
"Yes, that's right," replied the farmer, nodding his head.
"You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied,' I've never felt better inn my life.' Is that the case?"
"Yeah, but…" stammered the farmer.
"A simple yes or not will suffice," counsel interrupted quickly.
"Yes," Replied the farmer.
Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask him questions. "Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health," his lawyer more...

A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim." I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered?" Stated the counsel for the insurance company." Yes, that's right," replied the farmer, nodding his head." You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied,' I've never felt better inn my life.' Is that the case?" "Yeah, but" stammered the farmer." A simple yes or not will suffice," counsel interrupted quickly." Yes," Replied the farmer. Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask him questions. "Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health," his lawyer said." Certainly," replied the more...

A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim."I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered?" Stated the counsel for the insurance company."Yes, that's right," replied the farmer, nodding his head."You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied,' I've never felt better inn my life.' Is that the case?""Yeah, but" stammered the farmer."A simple yes or not will suffice," counsel interrupted quickly."Yes," Replied the farmer. Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask him questions. "Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health," his lawyer said."Certainly," replied the farmer. more...

This is a true story. Last night I was in a minor accident on the
highway. We both pulled off to the side and as soon as I smelled the other
guy's breath it was obvious he had been smoking pot. When the cops finally
showed up, I told one of them this and he said, "and just how do you know
what pot smells like?" I told him I used to use it before I was nominated
to the Supreme Court.
Roy Smith, System Administrator
Public Health Research Institute

> -- From a little book called "Disorder in the Court." They're things
> people actually said in court, word for word.
>
> Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that
> morning?
> A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> Q: And why did that upset you?
> A: My name is Susan.
>
> Q: What is your date of birth?
> A: July fifteenth.
> Q: What year?
> A: Every year.
>
> Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
> Q: This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> A: I forget.
> Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
> forgotten?
>
> Q: How old is your son -- the one living with you.
> A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
> Q: How long has he lived with more...