Courtroom Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. “Please repeat
the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them,” instructed the
lawyer. The witness hesitated. “But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear,” she protested.“Then,” said the attorney, “just whisper them to the judge.”

An uncertain and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?""Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once.""Whom did you marry?""Well, a woman."The lawyer bellowed angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?"To which the witness replied meekly, "My sister did."

1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"6. "Did he kill you?"7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"A: "Yes."Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."
Q: "Were there any girls?"12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?" more...

A lawyer cross-examined the adversary's main witness. “You claim to have stopped
by Mrs. Edwards’ house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?” “Objection, your honor,” shouted the other lawyer.There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question was
proper. Finally, after 45 minutes, the judge allowed it. “So,” the first lawyer continued, “Please, answer the question. What did Mrs. Edwards say when you went to her house after breakfast on December 3rd?”“Nothing,” said the witness. “No one was home.”

The judge faced the defendant and said, "This is not an ordinary case and it must be argued very carefully, so I'm going
to let you have four lawyers."

The defendant answered, "Instead of four lawyers, sir, could you hunt up just one good witness?"

A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial.It was nearly 4:00 p.m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury. The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom.The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited. After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury room to see what was holding up the verdict.When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have they got a verdict yet?"The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict? They're more...

After a laborious two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the jury finally ended its 14 hours of deliberations and entered the courtroom to deliver its verdict to the judge. The judge turns to the jury foreman and asks:

"Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?"

"Yes we have, your honor," the foreman responded.

"Would you please pass it to me,"

The judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.

After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman,

"Please read your verdict to the court."

"We find the defendant NOT GUILTY of all four counts of bank robbery," stated the foreman.

The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the sound of the "not more...