Crack Jokes / Recent Jokes

New Barbie dolls to represent the diversity of women in the 90's:
DIVORCED BARBIE
comes with all of Ken's accessories
TEENAGE SINGLE PARENT BARBIE
"welfare check" from Mattel mailed each month
CRACK ADDICT BARBIE
pipe included, sugar may be used to simulate crack cocaine
BOULEVARD BARBIE
with cheap makeup, short skirt, and high heels
LESBIAN BARBIE
Barbie with a butch
LIPSTICK LESBIAN BARBIE
actually no different in appearance from regular Barbie
BULIMOREXIA BARBIE
also no different in appearance from regular Barbie
BRUNETTE BARBIE
the only Barbie with a brain
QUANTUM PHYSICIST BARBIE
yeah, right
BOW-WOW BARBIE
the ugliest Barbie you've ever seen
PUNK BARBIE
has rings in all sorts of strange places
NAVY PILOT BARBIE
comes with a body bag, wrecked fighter jet sold separately
BREAST IMPLANT BARBIE
now Barbie's a D-cup
CANCER PATIENT BARBIE
remove the wig and Barbie's more...

Fun Things To Do In An Elevator:
1. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
3. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
4. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
5. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
6. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral
7. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!"
8. Meow occasionally.
9. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
10. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

all im going to do is crack an egg on your head... BANG!!!... whoops! it was hard boiled

A blond and a brunette were opening their paychecks when the blond asked the brunette what she was going to buy.
The brunette replied, "I think I'll buy a new set of plates because mine are chipped. What are you going to buy?"
The blond said, "I think I'm gonna buy a new butt, because my old one has an enormous crack in it."

I'm sure you can substitute any college name you want into these and you will get the same results!!!
How many UCLA alumni does it take to change a light bulb?
One to crack the whip and make his bitches do it for him...
How many UC San Diego students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to mix the margaritas and one to call the electrician.
How many UC Santa Cruz students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven: one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.
How many UC Davis students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None: Davis doesn't have electricity.
How many UC San Francisco students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.
How many UC Santa Barbara students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he gets six credits for it.
How many UC Berkeley students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seventy-six: one to change the more...

City of Los Angeles High Scoohl Math Profiency final Exam
Name:______________________________
Alias:_______________________________
Gang:______________________________
1. Johnny has an AK-47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of ten shots and shoots 13 rounds at every drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he attend before he has to reload? What is the Maximum number of people he can hit?
2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. He sells an 8-ball to Ricky for $320, and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram. How many ounces does he have left? What is the street value of the remaining coke?
3. Rufus is pimping 3 girls. If his cut is $65 a trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can support his $800 a day crack habit.
4.Jerome wants to cut his half pound of Heroin to make 20 percent more profit. How many ounces will he need.?
5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and $100 for a 4x4. If he has stolen 2 BMW's and more...

A Blonde goes and buys a new house and names it Hairy Butt.Of course she had a son named Crack.Well one day the blonde couldn't find her son so she called the police and said I looked all over my Hairy Butt and couldn't find my Crack.