Crazy Jokes / Recent Jokes

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks."
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.
Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

Insert your fafourite ethnic minority in place of "?" Three Italians and three "?" were eating lunch one day while griping about how much they hated working in the factory. Finally, one Italian said to the other two Italians, "Hey, I got an idea-when the boss comes in, we'll do something so crazy that he'll fire us. Then we won't have to working in this shit hole."
Half an hour later, they saw the boss coming. The three Italians climbed up to the rafters and hung upside down.
The boss took one look and shouted, "Hey, what in hell do you think you're doing?"
"We're light bulbs," the Italians said.
"You're crazy," the boss snorted. "And you're fired. Get out of here."
The Italians left. A couple of minutes later, the three "?" gathered and began to follow.
"Where in the hell are you going?" the boss bellowed.
One "?" replied, "We can't work in the more...

If you receive an email entitled "Crazy Times" delete it immediately. Do not open it! Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
1) It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
2) It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.
3) It reprograms your ATM access code, messes up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.
4) It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
5) It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number.
6) This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
7) It will drink all your beer.
It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
9) Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your more...

How do you make a blonde go crazy?
Place them in a round room, and tell them to stand in the corner!

How do you make a blonde go crazy?, "How do you make a blonde go crazy? Place them in a round room, and tell them to stand in the corner!

Mickey Mouse was in the middle of a divorce from Minnie.
The judge said to him, "Let me get this straight, Mr. Mouse. You want to divorce your wife because she is a little crazy?"
In that familiar falsetto, Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy. I said she was fucking Goofy."

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what more...