Crazy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. How do crazy people go through the forest? A. They take the psycho path.

A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor. First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone. The counselor asks, "You say you've been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?" The wife replies, "It's my husband -- he's driving me crazy! I'm going to leave him if he continues!" "How does he drive you crazy?" "For 20 years," she says, "he's been doing these stupid things. First, whenever we go out, he's always looking at the floor and refuses to go near anyone. It's very embarrassing."
The marriage counselor is amused, "Anything else?" "He keeps picking his nose all the time! Even in public!" "Hmm, anything else?" probes the counselor further. The wife hesitates, "whenever we're making love, he NEVER lets me be on top! Once in a while, I'd like to be in control!"
"Ah," says the counselor, "I think I'll talk to your husband now." So the wife goes out of more...

Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning, and upon reading it burst into floods of tears. "What's the matter?" asked her companion. "Oh dear," sobbed Auntie, "It's my favorite nephew. He's got three feet." "Three feet?" exclaimed her friend. "Surely that's not possible?" "Well," said Auntie, "his mother's just written to tell me he's grown another foot! "

Q:how do you drive a aggie crazy? A:put him in a round room and tell him to find a corner.

It was a rainy night in Walnut Cove and the highway bridge was washed out. The only hotel in town was filled to capacity with motorists who couldn't get across the bridge. An elderly couple tried to get a room in a hotel, but were turned away.
"Please.." the old man bemoaned, "we've traveled all day, we're old and feeble, and we are too tired to travel any further."
The hotel clerk felt sorry for the couple, so he informed them that down the road a couple of blocks was an old farmhouse which was owned by an elderly farmer and his wife and that they were deaf. He informed them that this deaf couple had helped the hotel in the past by making rooms available to hotel guests when the hotel was full. He told them, "Just walk into the farmhouse because they won't be able to hear you knocking on the door. The deaf farmer and his wife will know you need a room for the night."
Off they went. When they walked into the farmhouse, they were shocked to see more...

Santa is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Santa is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Santa was keeping the lug nuts. The nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Santa is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing. "Hey! Why don`t you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels? That`ll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something." Santa is startled by the patient`s seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?" The patient smiles and says, "I`m in here because I`m crazy, not because I`m stupid."

English is a Crazy Language From: Charlie IndelicatoLet's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplantnor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffinsweren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats arecandies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find thatquicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig isneither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don'tgroce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't theplural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that youcomb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunchof odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't more...