Credit Jokes / Recent Jokes

OLD CREDIT CARDS never die, they just expireOLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get bowled overOLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get smashed for sixOLD DANCERS never die, they just step awayOLD DAREDEVILS never die, they just get discouragedOLD DEANS never die, they just lose their facultiesOLD DENTISTS never die, they just lose their pullOLD DIETERS never die, they just waist awayOLD DIVERS never die, they just extend their bottom timeOLD DIVERS never die, they just flopOLD DIVERS never die, they just get boardOLD DIVERS never die, they just lose their springOLD DOCTORS never die, they just lose their patienceOLD EDITORS do it with a red penOLD ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS never die, they just have slower rise times

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
Operator: "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold........... on...... 889861356102049998-45-54610"
Operator: "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator: "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator: "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator: "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator: more...

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."
Customer: "Halloo, can I order?"
Operator: "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold on... 698-45-54610..."
Operator: "OK... you're... Mr Steven Huckleberry and you're calling from 17 Retief Str. Your home number is 4094 2366, your office 7645 2302 and your mobile is 082 266 2566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?"
Operator: "We are connected to the system Sir."
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator: "That's not a good idea Sir."
Customer: "How come?"
Operator: "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir."
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator: "Try our more...

Signs You're Really Broke

American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"

Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a fine restaurant.

You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe.

Long distance companies no longer call you to switch.

Your credit card companies raised the rates from 6. 9% to 24. 9%.

You see your roommate as a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.

You receive care packages from Europe.

Your bologna has no first name.

You rob Peter... and then rob Paul.

You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.

You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

You give blood everyday - for the orange juice.

McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.

Consumer Credit Counseling services said more...

Line 1. Butter, a minimum of half a pound (8 oz.), but not to exceed 1 (one)
pound. (See line 4.)
Line 2. Sugar, light brown or white, unless you or your spouse
had a financial account in a foreign country in 1990, in which case
dark brown sugar must be used. Do not substitute molasses or honey.
Use 1 (one) cup and adjust to taste.
Line 3. Eggs, six or half a dozen, whichever is greater.
Line 4. Semisweet chocolate, 6 oz. Nonfarm families may choose
the optional method of using cocoa powder. If you elect the Cocoa
Method, add 1/2 oz. (One Tablespoon) of butter to each 3
tablespoons of cocoa. Multiply by .9897 per ounce of substitution.
For adjustments to sugar, see pg. 29. Add total of additional
butter to Line 1 (above). Sugar adjustments should be reflected in
final total of Line 2. For additional details on cocoa conversion,
see Form 551.
Line 5a. Flour, white. If you were a federal, state or local
government employee, more...

Back in those days, it was required that in order for a student to receive credit for a particular
course, a card (listing of his/her courses) had to be signed by the instructor/lecturer. It was, at
the time, policy that students attend their courses. But depending on the size of the class, it was
often quite possible to receive credit, even after not attending the class regularly.
Not so, with this physics professor... if he didn't recognize you, you would have to repeat the course
(& attend!).
On one occasion, a student handed his card to be signed. The professor looked at the name, then at
the student, and said, "I've never seen you in my class," and handed back the card. Now being a
science student, he naturally thought quickly, and proceeded to the end of the line. When he was at
the front again, he handed his card to the prof. The prof looked at the name, then at the student,
and said, "You look familiar. OK," more...

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.