Credit Jokes / Recent Jokes
Helen Waite is our credit manager.
If you want credit, go to Helen Waite.
If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?"
If you get one of those pushy people who won't shut up, just listen to their sales pitch. When they try to close the sale, tell them that you'll need to go get your credit card. Then, just set the phone down and go do laundry, shopping or whatever. See how long that commission based scum waits for you to get your credit card.
If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...." When they try to get back to the sales process, just continue on with telling about your problems.
If the person says he's Joe more...
Things To Think About Our Government:
29 Members of Congress have been accused of spousal abuse.
7 Have been arrested for fraud.
19 Have been accused of writing bad checks.
117 Have bankrupted at least two businesses.
3 Have been arrested for assault.
71 Have credit reports so bad they can't qualify for a credit card.
14 Have been arrested on drug related charges.
8 Have been arrested for shoplifting,
21 Are current defendants in lawsuits.
84 Were stopped for drunk driving in 1998 alone, but released after they claimed Congressional immunity.
Forest Gump dies and goes to Heaven where St. Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates. However, the gates are closed so Forest approaches the gateskeeper.
"Forest, it's good to see you," St. Peter says. "We've heard a great deal about you. I must advise you that the place is filling up very quickly, so we are administering an entrance exam for everyone. You must pass the test in order to enter."
"It shore is good to be here, St. Peter," Forest replies. "I've been looking forward to this. Nobody ever told me about entrance exams though. Sure do hope the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was."
"I know it was, Forest," says St. Peter, "but the test I have for you is only three questions. Here is the first: What days of the week begin with the letter 'T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? Third, what is God's first name?"
Forest goes away to think the questions over. When he returns the more...
Forest Gump Goes to Heaven...
The day finally arrived: Forest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forest approaches the gatekeeper.
Saint Peter says, "Well, Forest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you." "I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven."
Forest responds, "It shore is good to be here Saint Peter. I was looking forward to this." "Nobody ever told me about any entrance exams. Shore hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was."
Saint Peter goes on, "Yes, I know Forest." "But, the test I have for you is only three questions. Here is the first: What days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?" "Second, how many more...
Forest Gump Goes to Heaven...The day finally arrived: Forest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forest approaches the gatekeeper.Saint Peter says, "Well, Forest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you." "I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven."Forest responds, "It shore is good to be here Saint Peter. I was looking forward to this." "Nobody ever told me about any entrance exams. Shore hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was."Saint Peter goes on, "Yes, I know Forest." "But, the test I have for you is only three questions. Here is the first: What days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?" "Second, how many seconds are there in a more...