Crew Jokes / Recent Jokes

Earlier this year, the dazed crew of a Japanese Trawler was plucked out
of the Sea of Japan clinging to the wreckage of their sunken ship.
Their rescue, however, was followed by immediate imprisonment once
authorities questioned the sailors on their ship's loss. To a man they
claimed that a cow, falling out of a clear blue sky, had struck the
trawler amidships, shattering it's hull and sinking the vessel within
minutes.
They remained in prison for several weeks, until the Russian Air Force
reluctantly informed Japanese authorities that the crew of one of its
cargo planes had apparently stolen a cow wandering at the edge of a
Siberian airfield, forced the cow into the plane's hold and hastily taken
off for home.
Unprepared for live cargo, the Russian crew was ill-equipped to manage a
now rampaging cow within its hold. To save the aircraft and themselves,
they shoved the animal out of the cargo hold as they crossed the Sea more...

There was once a couple in their seventies who, nevertheless, had a baby. Of course the newspaper sent out a reporter to take and picture and write a story about this unusual event, but when he arrived the couple told him that he would have to wait until the baby woke up before taking the picture.
Meanwhile the local radio station sent out a crew to get a story of the baby and his elderly parents. They, too, were told that they would have to wait until the baby woke up before they could see the baby.
The news of this miraculuous event had, meanwhile, spread far and wide, and CNN news sent a crew to get a story and take pictures of the baby and his parents. This crew, also, was told that they would have to wait for the baby to wake up before they could take pictures.
Then one of the group asked why they would have to wait; surely they could see and take pictures of the baby even if he were asleed. Well, the parents said, you will have to wait until the baby wakes up and more...

Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.
Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".
Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.
Rust problem in engineering causes support failure- one corner
of warp coil now held up by phone book.
Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".
Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.
Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image
from flickering.
Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling
through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.
Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either
side become too steep for crew to climb.
Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2
people on board.
Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop and the ship is
overcome by ten thousand care bears.
Ship cannot enter warp more...

Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.
Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88."
Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.
Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of warp coil now held up by phone book.
Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.
Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image from flickering.
Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.
Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either side become too steep for crew to climb.
Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is overcome by ten thousand care bears.
Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni and cheese.
Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.
Bug in main computer speech processor: computer voice will either more...

1689--Spanish-German explorer Santa Claus discovers the North Pole, and establishes a small base camp.
1691--Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Claus' crew abandons him.
1692--Claus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe, bringing some items along with him from the North Pole. He finds he is able to sell them quite easily, making a small profit.
1703--Claus saves up enough money to buy a small ship and crew, and returns to the North Pole. Upon arriving, he finds his base camp, half-buried but still intact.
1704--Claus returns to Europe with a shipload of North Pole artifacts, and is successful in selling them. He makes enough profit to increase his crew, and buys building materials to expand his polar base.
1705--Claus returns again to the North Pole, and builds quarters for him and his crew, and sets up the Polar Exports Company.
1716--After six shiploads of exports, the European market is flooded with polar artifacts, as more...

From one of Tom Clancy's books: Commanding officer: "Alright! How about an attitude check???" Crew (In Unison): "I HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!" CO: "Now, let's be more positive..." Crew: "I POSITIVELY HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!" CO: "OK, How about a negative attitde check..." Crew: "I DON'T LIKE THIS FUCKING PLACE!" CO: "OK, How about a short attitude check. .?" Crew: "FUCK THIS PLACE!"

It's just not right. Thousands of pilots in our very own country are living at or just below the six
figure salary line. And if that weren't bad enough, many of them may go several weeks or months
without a paycheck if they are forced by American Airlines management to strike. But now you can
help. For about three hundred dollars a day ~ that's less than the price of a 25" television set ~
you can help keep a pilot economically viable during their time of need.
Three hundred dollars a day may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to a pilot, it could mean
the difference between a vacation fishing in Florida or a Mediteranean cruise.
For you, three hundred dollars is nothing more than half a month's rent or mortgage payment. But to a
pilot, three hundred dollars a day will almost replace his or her salary.
Three hundred dollars a day will enable a pilot to upgrade his or her home computer, buy that new
100" television set, more...