Crisis Jokes

Midlife crisis is that moment you realize your children and your clothes are about the same age.

Dave Barry on your husband's midlife crisis:
If your husband is exhibiting signs of a midlife crisis, at first you should try to humor him. If he wants to buy a ludicrously impractical sports car, tell him you think it's a terrific idea.
If he wants to wear "younger" clothes, help him pick them out.
If he wants to start seeing other women, shoot him in the head.

Dave Barry on your husband's midlife crisis:If your husband is exhibiting signs of a midlife crisis, at first you should try to humor him. If he wants to buy a ludicrously impractical sports car, tell him you think it's a terrific idea.If he wants to wear "younger" clothes, help him pick them out.If he wants to start seeing other women, shoot him in the head.

Twas the night before crisis,
And all through the house,
Not a program was working,
Not even a browse.
Programmers were wrung out,
Too mindless to care,
Knowing chances of cutover
Hadn't a prayer.
The users were nestled
All snug in their beds,
While visions of inquiries
Danced in their heads.
When out in the lobby
There arose such a clatter,
That I sprang from my tube
To see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering
Eyes should appear,
But a Super Programmer,
Oblivious to fear.
More rapid than eagles,
His programs they came
And he whistled and shouted
And called them by name.
On Update! On Add!
On Inquiry! On Delete!
On Batch Jobs! On Closing!
On Functions Complete!
His eyes were glazed over,
His fingers were lean,
From weekends and nights
Spent in front of a screen.
A wink of his eye,
And a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know
I had more...

Twas the night before crisis, And all through the house, Not a program was working, Not even a browse.Programmers were wrung out, Too mindless to care, Knowing chances of cutoverHadn't a prayer.The users were nestledAll snug in their beds, While visions of inquiriesDanced in their heads.When out in the lobbyThere arose such a clatter, That I sprang from my tubeTo see what was the matter.And what to my wonderingEyes should appear, But a Super Programmer, Oblivious to fear.More rapid than eagles, His programs they cameAnd he whistled and shoutedAnd called them by name.On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete! On Batch Jobs! On Closing! On Functions Complete! His eyes were glazed over, His fingers were lean, From weekends and nightsSpent in front of a screen.A wink of his eye, And a twist of his head, Soon gave me to knowI had nothing to dread.He spoke not a word, But went straight to his work, Turning specs into code, Then he turned with a jerk.And laying his fingersUpon the ENTER key, more...