Crowe Jokes

The Oscars are here! The Oscars are here!

The single greatest night of year is coming, and that means it's time for me to tell you who will win! I'm good, you know it. Last year, I told you James Coburn would win, and you all laughed, and he won. WHY DO YOU DOUBT ME?

Many of you cling to the belief that the Oscar goes to the most deserving nominee. Get over yourself. Oscars have nothing to do with talent and everything to do with marketing. With that in mind, here is the list of who will win.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR OK, everyone loved the little kid in Sixth Sense. But the last time the Academy gave an award to a damn kid (Anna Paquin from The Piano) she vanished off the face of the Earth to concentrate on a spelling bee. Face it, they ain't gonna give an award to anyone who still worships the Power Rangers. How about Michael Clarke Duncan from The Green Mile? Too tall. Jude Law? Forget it, his name's Jude.

There are really only two possible more...

This guy that Russell Crowe threw a telephone at got an out-of-court settlement for $100,000. Are you kidding? I would LOVE for Russell Crowe to throw a telephone at me! It's probably a form of foreplay for him. It would be nice though if it were a cell phone, then I could program my number into it before throwing it back to him.

Danielle Spencer, wife of actor Russell Crowe, has given birth to their second child together, Tennyson Spencer Crowe. I look forward to reading about little Tennyson having a temper tantrum and hurling his walkie-talkie baby monitor at the nanny.