Angelina Jokes

An article in the New York Post on Thursday gushed over Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's new baby, Shiloh: "The 12-day-old darling... has dad Brad Pitt's baby-blue eyes and mom Angelina Jolie's lush, pouty lips." The article also had kind words for Shiloh's adopted foreign-born siblings: "They haven't robbed anyone yet."

I've been thinking about Angelina Jolie saying the she and Brad Pitt want to adopt another child. Is it just me, or does this scream "reality show"? Why not have 10 kids, say, up to age three, living with Brad and Angelina in their mansion. Then every week one could be eliminated and sent back to the third-world hellhole they came from. There could even be immunity challenges-for example, if a kid tests negative for intestinal parasites, he's immune and can't be eliminated that week. When it gets down to the final five kids, America votes for its favorite. The winner gets to be the next Jolie-Pitt, and maybe a sitcom deal with UPN.

Busy Angelina Jolie will apparently be playing Mariane Pearl, widow of slain reporter Daniel Pearl, in an upcoming movie. I'm guessing that if the real Mariane Pearl looked like Angelina Jolie, Daniel Pearl's last words might have been very different:

"Don't kill me and I'll let you do my wife! She's a 10! Please! You can do coke off her nipples!"

The Oscars are here! The Oscars are here!

The single greatest night of year is coming, and that means it's time for me to tell you who will win! I'm good, you know it. Last year, I told you James Coburn would win, and you all laughed, and he won. WHY DO YOU DOUBT ME?

Many of you cling to the belief that the Oscar goes to the most deserving nominee. Get over yourself. Oscars have nothing to do with talent and everything to do with marketing. With that in mind, here is the list of who will win.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR OK, everyone loved the little kid in Sixth Sense. But the last time the Academy gave an award to a damn kid (Anna Paquin from The Piano) she vanished off the face of the Earth to concentrate on a spelling bee. Face it, they ain't gonna give an award to anyone who still worships the Power Rangers. How about Michael Clarke Duncan from The Green Mile? Too tall. Jude Law? Forget it, his name's Jude.

There are really only two possible more...

Angelina and Brad Pitt have filed papers and requested to change their newly adopted son’s surname to Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt.

According to thier publicist's the couple was tired of calling him Pax Thien, Asian #12.