Angelina Jolie Jokes

March 19 - March 25

"Have a nice life, losers!"


- Pax Thien Jolie, saying goodbye to the other kids in his orphanage.

Busy Angelina Jolie will apparently be playing Mariane Pearl, widow of slain reporter Daniel Pearl, in an upcoming movie. I'm guessing that if the real Mariane Pearl looked like Angelina Jolie, Daniel Pearl's last words might have been very different:

"Don't kill me and I'll let you do my wife! She's a 10! Please! You can do coke off her nipples!"

Actress Angelina Jolie plans to adopt a 4-year-old Vietnamese boy she chose on a recent visit to an orphanage near Ho Chi Minh city. The child should arrive in the U.S. in about three months - plenty of time for Jolie and partner Brad Pitt to prepare by setting up a nursery and getting rid of their "Platoon", "Full Metal Jacket" and "Missing in Action" dvd's.

No, Girl. I need help. YOU need a milkshake.

But to help, I can show you how it's done--through my 12-step program,which can cure you within two weeks.

Breakfast 1: Mc’Donald’s bacon, egg & cheese
Breakfast 2: IHOP apple crepe
Mid-morning snack: Little Debbie’s brownies, 1 box
Lunch: Sonic burger w/fries & Oreo Fudge shake
Lunch 2: Cobb Salad, extra honey mustard dressing
Afternoon snack: Pringles Original + one can Planters cashews
Dinner 1: reuben, diet coke
Dinner 2: 2 Pizza Hut personal pan pizzas
Dinner 3: steak frite
Evening snack: cake w/skim milk
Midnight snack: burrito
Wake up at 3 a.m. for emergency Swiss rolls

Angelina Jolie described her recent birth experience as "terrifying." Doctors say that response is common among Western women who realize they are about to have their baby in Africa.